Teri Hatcher Makes Money for Not Having Sex

Teri Hatcher is making money had over fist for not having sex with men in a van outside her home.

Britain’s best-selling newspaper has apologized to “Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher for a story that claimed she had sex with men in a van outside her home. The Sun tabloid acknowledged the article, which it ran last August, was “totally incorrect” and apologized Wednesday “for the embarrassment caused.” Hatcher’s legal firm, Schillings, said the newspaper had agreed to pay undisclosed damages and Hatcher’s costs. It said the celebrity magazine Heat also had agreed to apologize for printing the same allegations in August. Hatcher, 41, accepted undisclosed libel damages in December from another tabloid, The Daily Sport, which had earlier made the same claims. The Daily Sport agreed to pay “very substantial damages” and Hatcher’s legal costs, print a front-page apology and promised not repeat the allegations.

The actress, who has a young daughter, issued a statement in December saying she had “tolerated many ridiculous and fabricated lies and gossip in the tabloids” as something that “just comes with the territory of fame.” “But when a story appeared about me, insinuating that I am an irresponsible and neglectful parent, I had to draw the line.”

The story is ironic because lots of men would certainly pay to have sex with Teri Hatcher. In the 1990s, even more would have. Yet Hatcher is now getting at least three newspapers to pay her for not having sex.

The National Enquirer‘s retraction/apology from December is especially amusing, too:

Ms. Hatcher has never engaged in sexual relations with men in a van parked on her property, nor does she leave her child alone in her house while having ‘steamy romps’ with men in a ‘passion wagon.’ Ms. Hatcher only uses her van for camping trips with her daughter.”

My guess is that’s all quite true. But how the hell would they know? Is their surveillance on her that tight? If so, I smell another lawsuit.

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