Alyssa Milano’s Nipples Inspire Mets

James Joyner @ Gone Hollywood | Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Alyssa Milano showed up at a Mets game in a tight, low cut sweater that showed off her cleavage and her cold-enhanced nipples or, as Hollywood Tuna dubs them, “her wonderful breasts and inspirational nipples.”

From this set of facts, we get some dubious causal analysis: “Yes, inspirational. Look how well the Mets are doing this year. They’re in first place. All thanks to Alyssa’s nipples.”

Here is a photograph of the nipples in question:

Alyssa Milanoâ��s Nipples at Mets Game Photo

More sophisticated analysis, comparing Mets wins and losses with the appearances of Alyssa Milano and her nipples at ballgames, would be a minimum for establishing this connection. Moreover, univariate analysis is always problematic. We would need to know whether Milano had visited other teams’ ballparks and how their fortunes turned on that basis. Ideally, we would also need data on the overall nipple quality of the women in attendance for all Major League teams. Such research would be difficult, to be sure. But, in the interests of science, it must be done.

Still, the Mets should nonetheless invite Milano to as many games as possible. No sense in taking chances.

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Tags | Gossip, Humor Alyssa Milano, Breasts, Gossip, rap

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Comments

And you haven’t even addressed the more interesting variables, such as the quantitative degree of “nipple inspiration”; temperature limits to the experiments; ductility of suspending fabric; “invisibility” factors due to undergarments; et-bloody-cetera!

I say we try to get an NIH grant. If that’s not forthcoming, then maybe one from MLB. I guess Hefner might cough up if necessary…