Former Vice President Al Gore opened “Saturday Night Live” last night giving an address to the nation as the 43rd President of the United States. The skit was fairly amusing, both self-deprecating with many references to his famous “lockbox” and making fun of the Bush administration without getting nasty, although some parts were rather weak.
YouTube has the video for now:
It’ll be taken down soon enough but NBC will eventually put it up here.
A Crooks and Liars commenter has already posted a rough transcript. Some excerpts:
[W]e are facing perhaps the worst gas crisis in history. We have way too much gasoline. Gas is down to $0.19 a gallon and the oil companies are hurting. I know that I am partly to blame by insisting that cars run on trash. I am therefore proposing a federal bailout to our oil companies because - hey if it were the other way around, you know the oil companies would help us.
[...]
As I speak, the gigantic national budget surplus is down to a perilously low $11 trillion dollars. And don’t get any ideas. That money is staying in the very successful lockbox. We’re not touching it.
[...]
But right now we’re already so loved by everyone in the world that American tourists can’t even go over to Europe anymore… without getting hugged.
[...]
What if there’s a hurricane or a tornado? Unlikely I know because of the Anti-Hurricane and Tornado Machine I was instrumental in helping to develop.
[...]
As for immigration, solving that came at a heavy cost, and I personally regret the loss of California. However, the new Mexifornian economy is strong and el Presidente Schwarznegger is doing a great job.
[...]
There have been some setbacks. Unfortunately, the confirmation process for Supreme Court Justice Michael Moore was bitter and devisive. However, I could not be more proud of how the House and Senate pulled together to confirm the nomination of Chief Justice George Clooney.
[...]
Baseball, our national passtime, still lies under the shadow of steroid accusations. But I have faith in baseball commissioner George W. Bush when he says, “We will find the steroid users if we have to tap every phone in America!”
Not cutting edge humor, to be sure, but at least reasonably amusing. Unlike, say, the Stephen Colbert sketch at the White House Correspondent’s dinner.
Paris Hilton stands funny because she has “huge feet,” reports TMZ.
. . . size 11 to be exact. To compensate, the blonde has perfected a pigeon-toed stance which makes her feet appear smaller and more ladylike.
Paris also seeks out specially designed, oversized shoes from select designers.
Actually, this story is not new–except maybe the part about the weird stance.
What’s fascinating is that her feet are apparently grew two years ago. In August 2004, Gawker reprinted this reader email:
Did you guys know Paris Hilton has size 10 feet? And she’s only 5′8″ (and a half). I found a model card from Ford. I don’t know… I just had to tell somebody that she’s like freakin’ Bozo the Clown.
If it’s in Gawker, it has to be true, right? Well, one month later, we have this report from China Daily:
Among the biggest revelations is what she “desperately” hates about her body: “I have size 11 feet” she reveals, noting that stilettos make her feet look smaller.
Hmm.
At any rate, there’s not much doubt that Paris Hilton has gigantic feet and often stands funny.
Whether there’s any connection between these facts, I’ll leave to readers’ judgment.
John Podhoretz has a fascinating piece on the parallel voting dynamics between “American Idol” and U.S. presidential elections. He argues that the surprise loss of Chris Daughtry to the uneven Katharine McPhee is perfectly understandable if one understands how people vote.
If you want to understand “Idol,” you need to understand American politics. And if you want to understand the workings of American politics, “Idol” isn’t a bad introduction to the way political coalitions are formed and elections are won.
After the “American Idol” field narrows to 12 finalists, the show kicks one contestant off every week - the one who gets the lowest number of votes. The number of votes seems to remain remarkably constant (this year, somewhere north of 40 million) week to week. This indicates the same people continue to vote each week. It also means that the people who voted for the contestant who was kicked off go ahead and just choose somebody new to vote for.
This is a direct parallel to the presidential primary process. In the early primaries, candidates who do poorly usually drop out of the race, leaving those who would have supported them in other states high and dry. Those supporters then have to pick somebody else among the surviving candidates to vote for. This winnowing process allows the most appealing candidates to pick up steam by adding new voters to their cadre of supporters. And as they do so, the field continues to be winnowed, until finally there are only one or two candidates left standing. The single-issue candidate, the flash-in-the-pan, the guy who has one fantastic debate - they may all have their moments, but in the end, the candidate with the most broad-based appeal will usually win.
And this is what explains Chris Daughtry’s stunning loss this week on “American Idol.” He has a distinctive voice and distinctive appeal. The problem is that he never broadened his base very much. If you liked him from the start, you stayed with him - which is why he remained solidly among the top contenders through most of the show’s run. But if you didn’t much like his sound when there were still 9 contestants remaining, you weren’t suddenly going to decide you liked his sound when there were only 4 remaining.
The key to winning “American Idol” isn’t being overwhelmingly popular in the early stages. The key is having a sound that makes it possible for you to pick up votes from people whose favorites have gotten booted off the show. Because if you don’t get those votes, somebody else is going to get them.
That is almost certainly what happened on Wednesday night. Chris Daughtry lost out to Katharine McPhee because the young female singer Paris Bennett was sent home the previous week. If you loved Paris, you probably weren’t going to move into Chris’s camp. It’s likely that the Paris voters went both to McPhee and to underdog Elliot Yamin, the sweet-sounding guy with the odd teeth who is a balladeer like Paris.
Elliot has been gaining strength both because his performances have been good, and because he’s clearly picked up support from the fans of eliminated contestants Paris, Kellie Pickler and Ace Young. So where does this leave the final three in “American Idol”? It’s likely that McPhee will be the odd person out next week, leaving front-runner Taylor Hicks and under-the-radar Elliot left to duke it out for the title. Taylor Hicks has a distinctive sound and style that are clearly very pleasing to millions. But I think he’s a little like Daughtry. If he’s your favorite, he’s been your favorite for a long time - and he needs to be the second favorite for McPhee’s fans to win. But McPhee’s sound is probably closer to Elliot Yamin’s. Thus, according to the logic of coalition-building that is at the heart of both American politics and Fox’s pop-culture phenomenon, Elliot Yamin will be the next “American Idol.”
Apparently, L’Oreal wanted Scarlett Johansson to get naked for some cosmestics ads. She refused.
Scarlett Johansson has left L’Oreal bosses fuming - after refusing to strip for their latest advert. The ‘Lost in Translation’ actress - who has a staggering £2.3 million deal with the cosmetics giants - has reportedly refused to show off her famous curves for their new campaign.
The blonde star - who has editorial control over her deal with L’Oreal - is said to be desperate to ditch her sex-kitten image. For her recent shoots, Scarlett - who posed naked for a recent Vanity Fair cover - has been seen arriving wearing long white dresses and no make-up. A source told Britain’s The Mail on Sunday newspaper: “Understandably L’ Oreal, which spent a fortune signing Scarlett, and actresses Eva Longoria and Penelope Cruz, want her sexy screen siren glamour. “There has been a series of creative differences. She had a problem with the last ad she shot for body lotion. There were a few heated exchanges.”
While the desire to see Johansson get naked is understandable, the relationship with selling make-up is not clear. I suppose you wouldn’t want to get any make-up on your clothes but it is customary to put some clothes on before going outside. Conversely, if staying home naked, the need for make-up is considerably diminished.
And, frankly, Johansson doesn’t need to wear any, regardless. Make-up, that is.
In a scene from his new candid-camera program “Juiced,” O.J. Simpson pulls a prank involving the infamous white Bronco, drawing criticism from the family of a man he was accused of killing. As part of the pay-per-view show, Simpson pretends to sell the Bronco at a used car lot and boasts to a prospective buyer that he made the vehicle famous, according to a segment aired Thursday on “Inside Edition.” “It was good for me — it helped me get away,” Simpson said, referring to the slow-speed, televised police chase that preceded his 1994 arrest on charges of murdering his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ronald Goldman.
EVER-tasteful O.J. Simpson pretends to sell his infamous white Ford Bronco in his hidden-camera prank DVD, “Juiced,” a rip-off of Ashton Kutcher’s MTV mainstay “Punk’d.” Simpson pretends to sell the Bronco at a used car lot, telling the prospective buyer, “It was good for me - it helped me get away. It’s a car that I personally made famous. The car has escapability, if you ever get into some trouble.” In other none-too-side-splitting stunts on the yet-to-be released DVD, the double-murder acquitee poses as a rapper, an elderly white man in a bingo game for senior citizens, a windshield-washer and a pizza delivery man.
That O.J. is one funny guy. There was the classic turn as Nordberg in the “Naked Gun” movies. Then the hilarious hijinks in trying to get that glove on. And who could forget “I’m going to look for the real killer?” Now this.
Update:trikc does not appreciate Simpson’s comedy stylings. Miu von Furstenburg just wants him to go away.
Chris Daughtry, widely expected to win this year’s “American Idol” competition, was unceremoniously voted off last night. He’s reportedly going to be added to the band Fuel on tonight’s “Extra.”
In a shocking turn, American Idol frontrunner Chris Daughtry was voted off the show Wednesday night. As the audience gasped and shouted no, host Ryan Seacrest asked a shell-shocked-looking Daughtry, “Surprised?” “A little bit,” he answered. Judge Paula Abdul grew tearful. The other contestants – Elliott Yamin, Katharine McPhee and Taylor Hicks – also looked stunned.
Tuesday night, Daughtry’s rendition of Elvis Presley’s “Suspicious Minds” drew unanimous praise from the three judges, prompting Abdul to tell the 26-year-old from McLeansville, N.C.,: “See ya in the finals.”
Especially odd given that McPhee actually forgot the words to her song. Still, there may be a huge upside, according to TMZ:
The multi-platinum rock band Fuel has offered ‘American Idol’s’ Chris Daughtry a gig with the band. TMZ has learned that Fuel will make the offer in an exclusive interview on the television show ‘EXTRA’ tonight.
In a stunning turn of events, Daughtry, who was the odds-on favorite to win the ‘Idol’ competition, was booted last night. Daughtry was on Ryan Seacrest’s KIIS FM radio show in Los Angeles this morning, where the ‘A.I.’ host, who is in on the secret, urged the singer to watch ‘EXTRA’ tonight.
Quite a two night turn of events.
Update: Wizbang Pop! and Defamer both wonder whether Fuel is a major band. Well, they’re certainly not the Rolling Stones or Aerosmith; I’ve heard of them.
Meanwhile, Pretend Pundit offers a gender-based theory on why Daughtry lost on “Idol.”
Colombian-American singer Soraya, who won a Latin Grammy for best female album in 2004 and worked to educate Hispanic women about breast cancer, died Wednesday after battling the disease. She was 37. She died in a Miami hospital, said Lorena Oriani, a spokeswoman for her record label, EMI Latin.
She was born in New Jersey to Colombian parents in 1969 and was found to have breast cancer in 2000.
Her greatest hits were “Solo Por Ti” and “Casi,” both released in 2003 on the album “Soraya.” She was well known for integrating cumbia and flamenco music with her own style of pop-rock. Besides her Latin Grammy in 2004, she won a Billboard Latin Music Spirit of Hope award that year. In 2005 she was nominated for a Latin Grammy for female pop vocal album for “El Otro Lado De Mi.”
In a letter posted on her Web site Tuesday in Spanish, she wrote to her fans about her battle with cancer. She said she was sure her life was ending. “I have not lost this battle, because I know the fight was not in vain,” she said. “Instead, it will help end a larger battle, which is early detection to prevent this terrible disease.”
The Weinstein Company has acquired the rights to develop and produce a feature film based on the original hit television series “Knight Rider.” The rights were purchased from Glen A. Larson (”Knight Rider,” “Magnum P.I.” “Fall Guy,” “Battlestar Galactica”), the original creator of the television show, and he will write the script and executive produce the project through his production company Glen A. Larson Productions. David Price brought the project to The Weinstein Company’s attention and will co-produce it.
Based on the 1980’s hit television series, “Knight Rider” is a revenge story about a police investigator who is shot on the job and left to die. Nursed back to health by a mysterious millionaire, he regains consciousness a new man with a new face and a new name: Michael Knight. His mysterious benefactor provides Michael with equipment and support so that he can continue his crime fighting work and ultimately get revenge on the people who left him to die.
Harvey Weinstein stated, “I am a huge fan of the original series and could not be happier that we’ve joined forces with Glen Larson to bring these iconic characters to the big screen.” Larson stated, “Teaming up with Harvey and Bob, with their unparalleled success in motion picture, gives Knight Rider an exciting opportunity to be a breakout franchise.” The original hit television show ran on NBC from 1982 through 1986 and starred David Hasselhoff as Michael Knight.
I’m not sure “iconic” would be a word I’d apply to “Knight Rider.” Shows about people talking to cars are hard to pull off.
Aggressively pursuing its strategy to develop and produce a new stable of feature films, Marvel Studios - a subsidiary of Marvel Entertainment, Inc. - has tapped several screenwriters to pen scripts based on some of its marquee superhero franchises.
Rumors have resurfaced that the couch-jumping Scientologist is again mulling a star turn as “Iron Man.”
A published report states that Jon Favreau was just signed to develop and direct the flick, to be produced by Marvel Comics’ new movie arm, about a billionaire industrialist who fights crime in a super-powered suit.
It’s an amazing coincidence that two brothers with Long Island roots would end long runs on two Fox series within days of each other - but that’s what is happening with Chris and Danny Masterson. Chris, 26, ends a seven-year stint as Francis, the older brother of Malcolm (Frankie Muniz), on “Malcolm in the Middle” Sunday night at 8:30; Danny, 30, completes his eighth and last season as Steven Hyde in the 200th episode of “That ’70s Show” on May 18 at 8 p.m.
Frankly, I didn’t realize they were related. Or know their names.
Lance Armstrong’s ex-wife, Kristin Richard, revealed to Oprah Winfrey on Tuesday that the road she shared with the Tour de France record holder was far from smooth. Although the 1999-2003 marriage produced three children before it ended in divorce, the union also left Richard feeling “smothered,” and turned her from an opinionated career person into a “yes” woman, Richard, 34, said on The Oprah Winfrey Show.
“You and Lance looked like you had it all,” said Winfrey, noting that Richard was swept off her feet by the stellar athlete, married him, had three children quickly and moved to the French Riviera. Richard, however, said that her role was strictly to cheer on Armstrong, prompting Winfrey to advise women not to make the same mistake. “It wasn’t Lance saying, ‘You should be like this’ or ‘Do this.’ It wasn’t him making a mandate and me being a mouse. It was me trying to emulate whatever I thought would be the perfect wife or the perfect mother,” said Richard, promoting an article she’s written for the April Glamour magazine titled “What I Wish I Had Known About Marriage.” “We think we’re trying to please somebody for the sake of our marriage, but then if you ask Lance today if he appreciated that, I think he would probably say, ‘Well, that wasn’t the woman that I fell in love with,’” added Richard.
Human Events reports on a feminist professor at USC letting it all hang out for the World Wide Web to see.
A California professor has been exposed … well, actually, she exposed herself (and with a smile).
Dr. Diana York Blaine—a women’s studies professor at the University of Southern California—has decided to post topless photos of herself (warning: photos contain nudity) on the Internet. Based on the pictures, Blaine enjoys burning her bras and being “liberated.” Unfortunately, that “liberated” feeling is available for everyone to see on her personal website.
The USC professor’s “titillating” site is causing quite a stir, but the university, apparently, won’t be making any “busts.” A KNBC reporter said “a university spokesperson was caught off guard when asked for a reaction to Dr. Blaine’s pictorial,” according to the station’s website. The university then sent KNBC a copy of the university policy that basically said a professor can do (or in this case “show”) anything he/she wants on a personal website because it’s a matter of “free speech and academic freedom” and “that must be protected in a university environment.”
A non-nude photo of Dr. Blaine appears at right, demonstrating what a feminist looks like with her clothes on. Click the thumbnail to enlarge.
As regular readers know, my views on academic freedom differ substantially from those of USC in matters like these. I rely again on this trusty Statement of Principles on Academic Freedom from the American Association of University Professors (gleaned from a long ago post):
1. Teachers are entitled to full freedom in research and in the publication of the results, subject to the adequate performance of their other academic duties; but research for pecuniary return should be based upon an understanding with the authorities of the institution.
2. Teachers are entitled to freedom in the classroom in discussing their subject, but they should be careful not to introduce into their teaching controversial matter which has no relation to their subject.[2] Limitations of academic freedom because of religious or other aims of the institution should be clearly stated in writing at the time of the appointment.[3]
Given that “women’s studies” is an academic discipline with a rigor on par with astrology, it is far from clear what controversial research finding she discovered hidden inside her brassiere that she felt compelled to publish. As best I can determine, it appears merely to replicate similar studies.
Furthermore, the definition continues,
3. College and university teachers are citizens, members of a learned profession, and officers of an educational institution. When they speak or write as citizens, they should be free from institutional censorship or discipline, but their special position in the community imposes special obligations. As scholars and educational officers, they should remember that the public may judge their profession and their institution by their utterances. Hence they should at all times be accurate, should exercise appropriate restraint, should show respect for the opinions of others, and should make every effort to indicate that they are not speaking for the institution.
I suppose showing one’s udders in public amounts to a public utterance, insomuch as it is intended as speech. Regardless, however, the public may judge Blaine’s profession and institution based on this conduct.
Update: It occurs to me that it would be interesting to see what direction her student evals take after this.
Update: Much more on Blaine’s blog, including this:
I would like to thank those who have declared war on me for bringing me so much attention because I am writing a book on breast implants–why I won’t get them in spite of cultural pressure to conform– and I am looking for an agent, someone who wants to make a LOT of money backing a beautiful, articulate, brilliant, highly educated compassionate woman who has tons to say and has the power to change women’s lives for the better. If you’re that person, drop me a line. Today, Channel 4. Tomorrow, Total World Domination!
Only in L.A. would anyone be suggesting she needs implants. . . .
It turns out, by the way, that Blaine’s PhD is in English (UCLA, 1995) and that she did her dissertation on “corpses of dead women in twentieth century American fiction.” Fortunately, she discovered feminism, which saved her:
Turns out there wasn’t anything wrong with Diana York, there was something wrong with how we define women. She was physically powerful, intellectually powerful, ultimately it turned out even spiritually powerful, and all of this scared the people in her world badly enough that they tried to strip her of her powers.
Crosspost from OTB even though there are no Hollywood celebs involved, since nude chicks on the Web are likely of interest to the Gone Hollywood readership. And, hey, USC is pretty close to Hollywood.
The baby bump is for real. Britney Spears told David Letterman Tuesday that she is pregnant with baby No. 2. “Don’t worry Dave, it’s not yours,” the pop princess quipped. The revelation ended weeks of speculation in entertainment magazines, which have been regularly publishing pictures of Spears’ apparently expanding waistline.
Spears, 24, and her husband, backup dancer-turned-rapper Kevin Federline, 28, were married in 2004 and have an 8-month-old son, Sean Preston. Federline also has two children, Kori and Kaleb, with his former girlfriend, Shar Jackson.
Child welfare officials and a sheriff’s deputy reportedly visited Spears’ home in April after her son accidentally tumbled from a high chair. In February, authorities visited the home after photographs showed the singer in a car with her son in her lap, rather than in a car seat as required by law. Spears later apologized, saying she held the boy in her lap because of a “horrifying, frightful encounter with the paparazzi.”
Spears rose to fame at 16 with a naughty schoolgirl image and the multiplatinum album “… Baby One More Time.”
