10 Celebrities That Need Valtrex

Allie @ Gone Hollywood | Thursday, May 14, 2009

Let’s face it: if you were a celebrity, you’d be doin’ everything around you. And you could…because you would be a celebrity, and everyone would want a piece of your sweet, sweet celebrity junk. But as history has shown us, gettin’ down with too many anonymous people means you’ll feel the burn, quite literally. Oh well.

Check out these celebs who allegedly have herpes.

Paris Hilton
Shock level: Low
Amount You Enjoy Knowing: Highest

How We Know:

You’ve certainly seen or least heard about Paris’ horrifying sex-tape (yes there’s an IMDB page) with douchebag nobody Rick Salomon, so right there you know doin’ it is important to her. To be fair, it’s important to everyone. But when you’re as indiscriminate about your partners as she is, well, that’s where the trouble lies. She’s seen around the world with men as promiscuous as she is, so it’s fair to assume she’s got it. Oh, and then there’s her prescription for Valtrex which has been featured on many credible websites.

Jessica Alba
Shock level: Medium
Amount You Enjoy Knowing: Minimal

How We Know:

But she had a baby! Anyone with a baby can’t have herpes. Except they can…and she does. Apparently she got it from Derek Jeter. Yes, it’s a rumor, but there has been quite a bit of sources who worked closely with Alba and recalled having to pick up her Valtrex prescription on a regular basis. She’s also on the recently created Derek Jeter Herpes Tree.

Derek Jeter
Shock level: Medium
Amount You Enjoy Knowing: Depends on if you are a Red Sox or Yankees fan

How We Know:

Again, rumors have been flying around about this guy’s sexual deviancy for quite a while. Hey, making $17 million a year for baseball’s most famous team allows you access to the most coveted poon. Anyway, there’s been enough speculation on the subject for someone to create the aforementioned tree, so we figured, “Why not post it and let YOU decide”? Even if you think it’s bull, it’s pretty funny to see the progression because even if the herpes speculation isn’t true, the fact that these celebrities dated one another is, meaning they’d be exposed to Jeter’s Yankee doodle.

Billy Idol
Shock Level: Low
Amount You Enjoy Knowing: It’s less interesting than it would be 20 years ago.

How We Know:

He simply admitted it in an interview with Rolling Stone. He’s over 50 and rich, what does he care?

Robin Williams
Shock Level: High
Amount You Enjoy Knowing: Depends on how much you liked “Aladdin”

How We Know:

Williams was slapped with a lawsuit in the mid-80s by a cocktail waitress who claimed he had given it to her without warning her he had it first. But hey, celebrities get accused of stuff they didn’t do all the time right? Sure. But the case was settled out of court, implying that Mrs. Doubtfire felt a bit guilty about it.

Anne Heche
Shock Level: Low-Medium
Amount You Enjoy Knowing: Ehh

How We Know:

This one isn’t as fun as other celebrities. Heche claims that she got herpes from her father when he molested her. So, yeah…that’s awkward.

Tony Bennett
Shock Level: Very high
Amount You Enjoy Knowing: I left my heart in San Francisco, and my virus in some girl.

How We Know:

We admit, we were surprised by this one too. Bennett adamantly denies the allegations and even produced medical records which indicate he doesn’t. Oh well, the fact that someone would go far enough to accuse Tony Bennett of giving them herpes is all we need to find this hilarious.

Michael Vick
Shock level: Low
Amount You Enjoy Knowing: Pre-dog murder: Medium Post-dog murder: High

How We Know:

Ron Mexico. Vick was getting treatments and medication under the name “Ron Mexico,” a fact that was discovered when a woman sued him for giving her the disease in 2002, claiming he willfully gave it to her without warning. Our thought is: if you’re willfully having unprotected sex with a professional athlete like Michael Vick, you were going to end up with it anyway, and you’re lucky you got it from a rich dude.

David Hasselhoff
Shock level: Low
Amount You Enjoy Knowing: High, if you aren’t German

How We Know:

During the Hoff’s divorce from Pamela Bach, the latter cited such marital problems as domestic violence and his penchant for drinking himself shitty, and by shitty, we mean he loved to shit his pants when he got drunk. Another problem Bach cited was that Hoff has genital herpes. A man that poops his pants and has herpes?

Liza Minnelli
Shock level: High
Amount You Enjoy Knowing: Should be ridiculously high

How We Know:

Alright, so it’s mentioned in her divorce proceedings from David Gest, who probably isn’t the greatest source in the world, but then again, he was divorcing Liza Minnelli. There are hundreds of things he could have made up to worsen her already horrible reputation.

10 Celebrities That Need Valtrex

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