Celebrity Dumb Baby Names

Why can’t celebrities just pick regular old names like John and Susan like the rest of us?

For whatever reason, they have to seemingly pluck the names of their newborns randomly from dictionaries or half-remembered nightmares. Perhaps they believe that their millions and celebrity status will protect their young ones from the inevitable schoolhouse teasing. Or perhaps they believe the adversity can only make their kids stronger.

Either way, we get to enjoy the feeling –that sometimes average Joes and Janes like us have made much better decisions in life than the stars of stage and screen.

Like rocker Frank Zappa (here with parents Rose Marie and Francis), who infamous dubbed his kids Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan, and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen.

Woody Allen and Mia Farrow: Satchel and Moses Amadeaus
Early odd-name adopters Woody Allen and Mia Farrow made a splash when they named their son Satchel, after Satchel Paige. Satchel later changed his name to Ronan Seamus Farrow.

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin: Apple
“It sounded so sweet and it conjured such a lovely picture for me – you know, apples are so sweet and they’re wholesome and it’s biblical – and I just thought it sounded so lovely and … clean! And I just thought, ‘Perfect!’ ” Paltrow told Oprah Winfrey. But it’s hard not to imagine that the actress and musician’s daughter got her name from what her parents had for lunch that day.

Bruce Willis and Demi Moore: Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah
Odd choices, but now Rumer Willis has a burgeoning acting career.

Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf: Pilot Inspektor
Yes, you read that right: Pilot Inspektor. With a “k.”

Michael Jackson and ?: Prince Michael, Prince Michael II (aka Blanket), and Paris
Funny how “Paris” doesn’t seem at all unusual anymore, huh?

Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Jackson: Jermajesty
Maybe a royalty fixation runs in the family.

The Edge and Morleigh Steinberg: Blue Angel
It’s probably safe to assume they’re Marlene Dietrich fans, and it could’ve been worse — like “Blade” or “Pinpoint.”

David Duchovny and Tea Leoni: Kyd
Ingenious twist, or just plain laziness?

Bob Geldof and Paula Yates: Peaches Honeyblossom, Fifi Trixibelle, and Little Pixie Geldof
The late Paula Yates had a definite attachment to unusual names.