Presenting The 25 Funniest People in America. From Conan O’Brien to Stephen Colbert, Tina Fey to Craig Ferguson, let’s count down the names of the entertainers who make us laugh the hardest.
25. AUGUSTEN BURROUGHS
Burroughs’ best-selling memoir Running with Scissors — about being raised by a nutso shrink who studies his poo and rents the back shed to a pedophile — is unbelievably disturbing. And sidesplitting. At first we felt guilty giggling at his adventures with an electroshock therapy machine, but Burroughs knows that laughter is the best antidepressant. Much better than booze, which the author struggles to kick in his equally effervescent follow-up, Dry.
24. CATHERINE O’HARA
After her run on SCTV in the late ’70s, Hollywood didn’t know what to do with O’Hara. Fortunately, Christopher Guest did. In Waiting for Guffman, she and Fred Willard are tracksuit-wearing answers to Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire; in Best in Show, she’s a onetime floozy with a prize terrier and a torrid past; and in A Mighty Wind, O’Hara shows off a subtler comic touch, proving that humor doesn’t always mean a pie in the face.
23. SARAH SILVERMAN
The Lenny Bruce of the 21st century might be this hot, foul-mouthed, button-punching stand-up. Silverman is ruthlessly funny about topics like sex, the Holocaust, and 9/11, which may be why The Sarah Silverman Program has a permanent slot on our DVR. Oh, and if you hadn’t heard, she’s f—ing Matt Damon.
22. DAVE CHAPPELLE
The fact that Diamond Dave is all but absent from the comedic stage these days doesn’t invalidate his funny. After all, Chappelle’s revered Comedy Central show — on which the wiry comic gleefully engaged in crass T&A humor, swore like a sailor, and mocked everyone in the multiculti rainbow, confronting race in a way that is positively Pryor-esque — is still the best sketch comedy this country has seen in more than a decade. For that alone, he deserves a spot on any list like this.
21. DEMETRI MARTIN
You know what’s funny? Palindromes and anagrams. ”Shut up, Grandma,” you say, but we say shut up yourself and watch Demetri Martin work a stand-up mic. ”A drunk driver’s very dangerous. Everybody knows that. But so is a drunk backseat driver — if he’s persuasive.” The floppy-haired heir to Steven Wright won a prestigious award at last year’s Edinburgh Festival Fringe, taking him from the comedy underground to…the comedy slightly less underground.
20. DIABLO CODY
Not to be partial, but the newly minted Oscar winner showed off her comedic — and emotional — chops with her debut screenplay for Juno. Did we mention it won an Oscar?
19. CRAIG FERGUSON
Late night is the province of the mono-name. Jay! Dave! Conan! Then there’s that Scottish guy, two-name ID required: Craig Ferguson. You know, the one who can’t quite be pinned down. Since taking over CBS’ Late Late Show from Craig Kilborn in 2005, Ferguson has brought a fresh burst of energy to the format. He’s reinvented the opening monologue, doing away with most of the topical jokes and just ad-libbing about his life. Along with fresh energy, he’s brought something else — ratings. Ferguson, 45 and a brand-spanking-new U.S. Citizen, doesn’t get as much media attention as time-slot competitors Jimmy Kimmel or Conan, but with an audience of just under 2 million, the great Scot outperforms the former and has climbed within 500,000 viewers of the latter.
18. JACK BLACK
Black is an entirely new classification of human: the frenetic slacker. Before his turn as doofus band reject/inspirational teacher Dewey Finn in School of Rock, he was the Ritalin-deprived half of Tenacious D (along with his partner, Kyle Gass) and the list-obsessed record-shop shlub in High Fidelity. He is, inarguably, the coolest fusion of music and comedy since Spinal Tap. (And, if Tropic Thunder is as good as we’ve been led to believe, we’ll forgive him that whole Nacho Libre business.)
17. DAVID LETTERMAN
With a receding hairline and a jogger’s grim jowls, Dave is no one’s idea of a hip comic, and he likes it that way. New-school gone old-school, the upstart who first pumped irony into the talk show still rails against the stupidity of the powerful and yet has the charm to melt Julia Roberts.
16. AMY SEDARIS AND DAVID SEDARIS
Big brother is the best-selling author of the sublime autobiographical essay collections Me Talk Pretty One Day and Naked, full of terrific riffs about stuff like his cuckoo-clock North Carolina clan and his midget guitar teacher. Little sis was the rubber-faced star of Comedy Central’s truly strange Strangers With Candy, as well as coauthor of the book Wigfield.
15. WILL FERRELL
See, there’s this man-child who latches onto Will Ferrell in most every role he plays — and good luck getting the little guy to let go. As a result, we are treated to inspired displays of dolt-trapped-in-the-headlights hijinks, be it in the form of Old School’s keghead Frank the Tank (who goes from repressed to regressed to undressed) or Talladega Nights’ Ricky Bobby, the dumbest, most earnest NASCAR driver on the circuit — who’s also the most comfortable with his sexuality.
14. RICKY GERVAIS
Okay, so he doesn’t spend all that much of his time in America. We don’t care. Whether as the creator of The Office and Extras, a supporting actor in movies like For Your Consideration or Night at the Museum, or doing killer stand-up (as seen most recently in Grand Theft Auto IV), he’s still as funny as the dog’s bollocks.
13. ELLEN DEGENERES
DeGeneres, whose career seemed all but kaput a few years ago, has earned back adoration simply by being her affably dry self on the Emmy-winning The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Whether it’s her circuitous monologues, her deadpan celebrity interviews, or that vocal turn as Dory in Finding Nemo, she remains one of the cleanest, coolest funny ladies around.
12. DAVID CROSS
All conversations about his genius start here: Along with Bob Odenkirk, he created the cunning HBO sketch series Mr. Show, which routinely put SNL to silly shame. And not only does Cross work little miracles in supporting roles (remember his role as feckless freak-job Tobias on Fox’s Arrested Development?), he can drop some pretty fearsome stand-up (who else talks about being raped by the Virgin Mary?). Simply put, this dude never kowtows for his funny.
11. CONAN O’BRIEN
Smarty-pants isn’t usually a compliment, but O’Brien wears them so well. When this Harvard geek isn’t riffing on Muammar Gaddafi in his monologue, he’s making absurd innovations in low-brow comedy. Now, let’s see if those absurd innovations will play on The Tonight Show….
The Saturday Night Live scene-stealer has found her stride in her third season, thanks to breakout characters like the Target clerk and the obsessively competitive Penelope, as well as spot-on impressions of Jamie Lee Curtis and Suze Orman.
9. LARRY DAVID
Because he’s a balding, neurotic, self-consumed, multimillionaire malcontent who reacts to most social interactions as if he just took a whiff of some really bad cheese. Because the only thing he hates more than these situations is himself. Because he’s the most hilariously doomed white-guy antihero we’ve ever seen, and has no problems taking on every sacred cow. Because we have no idea how much of this Larry David — from the HBO comedy Curb Your Enthusiasm — is swiped from the real Larry David. And because both Larry Davids co-created one of the best comedies ever, Seinfeld.
8. AMY POEHLER AND WILL ARNETT
The funniest married couple on the list. (Sorry, Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann.) When they’re apart (she, on Saturday Night Live and in Baby Mama; he, late of Arrested Development and currently guesting on 30 Rock), they’re great. But when they’re together, as when they played brother-and sister figure skaters in Blades of Glory, they’re resplendent. So let’s get those crazy kids together more often, shall we?
7. MATT STONE AND TREY PARKER
Now in their eleventh season of South Park, these potty mouths with a purpose continue to remind us what full creative control gets you: moments so wrong, they’re right (Ben Affleck falling in love with Cartman’s hand comes to mind). Added bonus: The ninth season episode, ”Trapped in the Closet” contains the most sober explanation of the background of Scientology you’ll ever hear.
6. CHRIS ROCK
Television failed him (Saturday Night Live didn’t know what to do with his bright-bulb humor, and his HBO talk show couldn’t contain him). The movies didn’t get him (though this is as much Rock’s fault as anyone’s, given he wrote and directed his most recent starring vehicles, the underperforming Head of State and I Think I Love My Wife). But on the stage, Rock is a man on a mission, mercilessly tackling race, religion, money, and relationships. And his missionaries are legion.
5. STEVE CARELL
Sometimes, it hurts so good. The pain, the discomfort, the agony of watching Carell’s Michael Scott work himself into another awkward scenario on NBC’s The Office…and almost work himself out. And the fact that we don’t hate Michael — on the contrary, we feel a warm, chocolatey pity for him — is a testament to Carell, who leavens the bald incompetence with wide-eyed awe.
4. JON STEWART AND THE ‘DAILY SHOW’ TEAM
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is the most consistent laugh machine on TV — and the only news source for scores of cynics and slackers. It’s not often that a comedy show can tackle politics, embrace a cogent point of view, and still maintain its anarchic spark. The scribes at The Daily Show pull it off four nights a week. As the heart and soul of the show, Stewart is evenhanded but never meek; as an interviewer, he can make his guests comfortable even as he’s taking them apart. Then there’s his gang of ”correspondents,” who soldier straight-facedly into the great American absurd and take no prisoners. Empirically speaking, there’s nothing funny about what’s going on in the world right now. Yet here we are each week, chortling.
3. TINA FEY
It takes a certain self-confidence to play a woman who accidentally dates her third cousin, erroneously assumes her neighbor is a terrorist, and gets called the C-word by a colleague (especially when said character is based on you). ”I love going to those uncomfortable places,” says Fey, who stars as 30 Rock’s workaholic TV maven and is also the NBC show’s creator and exec producer. ”I’ll go down any weird avenue.” Maybe this year’s surprise Emmy win for best comedy will empower Fey to pursue some dreams for her alter ego. ”Liz Lemon could do an international adoption for a Russian baby and get the paperwork wrong with the European dates and somehow end up with a huge, muscular 13-year-old. Yeah, I could see that.” Hopefully we will too.
2. STEPHEN COLBERT AND THE ‘COLBERT REPORT’ TEAM
The once (and, we’re sure, future) presidential nominee, author, and dedicated windbag also happens to be one of the smartest satirists working today. Heck, if all the dude had on his resume was the legendary 2006 White House Correspondents Dinner, he’d go down in comedy history. But week-in and week-out, Colbert takes aim at the political-industrial complex — and I don’t care if there’s no such term — and spins the facts into truth. Or truthiness. Whichever’s easier.
1. THE JUDD APATOW POSSE
Can you even remember what movie comedy looked like before writer-director-producer Judd Apatow and his ever-expanding comedy clan (including Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann, Jonah Hill, and Paul Rudd) came along last summer with two stiff shots of cathartic humor — the oops-she’s-preggers romp Knocked Up and the high school raunchfest Superbad? Today, when studio execs have a comedy that feels flat or formulaic, the call goes out to ”Judd it up” — sweet irony for a man once best known for critically beloved flops like TV’s Freaks and Geeks. ”It was always my dream to become a verb,” Apatow deadpans. ”That’s what I wrote in my high school yearbook.”
People are apparently buzzing about the celebrity quotes of the week, so who am I to argue?
“The Wentz family, our Christmas card just got upgraded!” – Pete Wentz, on new wife Ashlee’s decision to change her last name to his, to PEOPLE
“Pole dancing really isn’t as easy as it looks.” - Carmen Electra, who is releasing her own line of stripper poles, to PEOPLE
“I think he’s 1 percent water and 99 percent talent.” - Mike Myers, describing his The Love Guru costar Justin Timberlake, to PEOPLE
“It’s amazing what a haircut and forgetting to shave will do.” – American Idol David Cook, on being a “cougar” magnet, to Today’s Meredith Vieira
“I don’t really like to respond to things I read about myself in the press but, for the record, I was not thrown off anybody’s yacht in Cannes.” – Singer Lily Allen, dismissing rumors of rowdy behavior via her MySpace page
“Can we get the ranch?” – Ellen DeGeneres, asking newlywed Jenna (Bush) Hager if she could have the same no-fly zone wedding location
“I’m about two months pregnant right now and we’re getting married on August 8th of 2008.” – Reality star Kim Kardashian, fooling with reporters (and her boyfriend, NFL star Reggie Bush), at the Hampton Bays nightclub Whitehouse
“I would start by eating an entire box of Fruity Pebbles out of it. Then I’d take an afternoon sponge bath in it. Then I’d retro fit it with handles and make it into a Stanley Cup handbag.” – Detroit Red Wings’ hockey fan Kristen Bell, on what she’d do with the Stanley Cup championship trophy if she had possession of it for a day, to NHL.com
“A little whipping every now and then, Harrison?” – Regis Philbin, asking Harrison Ford if he ever took home the Indiana Jones whip, on Live with Regis and Kelly
“That’s cheap. Everyone’s kissed George Clooney.” – Madonna, after auctioning off her Chanel purse for more than $471,000 – that’s $171,000 more than a kiss from Clooney fetched – at the amfAR Cinema Against AIDS benefit in Cannes
The most memorable movies that have been deemed a “classic” have gone unwelcomed by critics who have given the bestowed the film a “flop.” Most of the movies were loved by the public while stuffy critics snub the appeal and only base their opinions on money making prowess rather than the complete package of a “good movie.”
10. Fight Club- Brad Pitt and his hotness made the film both appealing to men and women. None of the film makes much sense until the last 10 minutes. The crucial explanatory split persona is both vital to enjoy the movie and a nice twist to what would be a crazy ass adventure.
9. Harold and Maude- Never saw the film. I am too young and vibrant. That or spoiled by cinematic special effects. Long story short is some young fella falling for a Holocaust survivor. Granny action has to appeal to someone. Its release in 1971 was not what well received by the aforementioned stuffy critics who, I believe, under estimate the crowds.
8. Office Space- My favorite movie of what it is truly like to grind behind cubical with a boss who is about as deep as a kiddie pool. The release of the 1999 film landed a measly $10 million profit. When it came to DVD the movie exploded. With one liner echoing from the mouths of everyone who watched it. “O” face, “pieces of flair” and “case of the Mondays” all became an unspoken appreciation of the film. When you have a character named Michael Bolton who appreciates gangsta’ rap how can you possibly go wrong?
7. Peeping Tom- A thriller I missed. Simply because I am a giant chicken. Creepy mother-fellas going ham-sandwich crazy and killing people just doesn’t sit well with me. However, the cult hit made a splash. It offended critics who called it “perverted nonsense.” Eventually it grew into one the best horror flicks of all time, landing #18 on Total Film’s list.
6. Bringing Up Baby- Originally the Katherine Hepburn funny film was torn apart by critics. Now it is praised for comedic timing and lands at the fop of AFI’s Top comedies.
5. Donnie Darko- I believe this is the film that broke Jake Gyllenhaal from the “Bubble Boy” crap cellar. The film is genuinely “good.” Teen angst was the factor and the flop became a respect film by those with fine taste and appreciation for the dark side. It opened and made a whopping $514,545. I am sure “Glitter” made more scratch than that. A few reasons attributed to it’s poor sales was the release date less than a month after the September 11th attacks.
4. It’s a Wonderful Life- Christmas wouldn’t be the same without busting out the George Bailey heart warmer. Reviews were blah and mixed. Some were just flat out negative and didn’t bother with the film. Now it is on the “AFI All Time List” sitting merrily at number 20.
3. Blade Runner- In attempt to cash in on the Star Wars and Indiana Jones phenomenon, Blade Runner came to screens. Subsequently it hit the ground with a thud. Theater patrons were left disappointed. Now it clings on the a cult status of love it or hate it.
2. The Wizard of Oz- Would you believe the most well known movie that has birthed an icon barely covered it’s cost to make. To bring munchkins to life and tell the story of L. Frank Baum’s Dorothy it cost $2.8 million. It made an initial $3 million. It was re-released and became the most loved and welcomed family movie.
1. Citizen Kane- William Randolph Hearst has been the evil doer at the heart of a couple of films. In the movie Orson Welles indirectly attacked the news monger. Upon the discovery of the movie, Hearst offered RKO Pictures nearly $1 million to destroy the film. It almost never became the box office flop turned revived cinema magic. It rose from the dead several times. The first revival of the film was in the late 50’s. Since then it sits proudly at the top spot on “AFI Best” list.
The gang at Rolling Stone has come up with a list of the “100 Greatest Guitar Songs of All Time.” But who’s got time for that in the fast-page Internet age? Here’s their top 10 — the other 90 suck in comparison, right?
1. “Johnny B. Goode” Chuck Berry (1958)
“If you want to play rock & roll,” Joe Perry told Rolling Stone in 2004, “you have to start here.” Recorded 50 years ago, on January 6th, 1958, at the Chess Records studio in Chicago, Berry’s “Johnny B. Goode” was the first great record about the joys and rewards of playing rock & roll guitar. It also has the single greatest rock & roll intro: a thrilling blast of high twang driven by Berry’s spearing notes, followed by a rhythm part that translates a boogie-woogie piano riff for the guitar. “He could play the guitar just like a-ringing a bell,” Berry sings in the first verse — a perfect description of his sound and the reverberations still running through every style of rock guitar, from the Beatles and the Stones on down. “It was beautiful, effortless, and his timing was perfection,” Keith Richards has said of Berry’s playing. “He is rhythm man supreme.” Berry wrote often about rock & roll and why it’s good for you — “Roll Over Beethoven” in 1956, “Rock and Roll Music” in ‘57 — but never better than in “Johnny B. Goode,” a true story about how playing music on a guitar can change your life forever.
2. “Purple Haze” The Jimi Hendrix Experience (1967)
The riff is pure blues — the same kind of guitar figure Hendrix played nightly back on the R&B-club grind, as a sideman for Little Richard and the Isley Brothers. But in “Purple Haze,” Hendrix’s second British single and the first track on the U.S. version of his debut album, he declared himself a free man — “‘Scuse me while I kiss the sky” — and unveiled a new guitar language charged with spiritual hunger and the poetry possible in electricity and studio technology. “Guitar — you can play it or transcend it,” said Neil Young when he inducted Hendrix into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 1992. “Jimi showed me that. I heard it, felt it and wanted to do it.” Hendrix wrote “Purple Haze” backstage at a London nightclub in December 1966 and recorded basic tracks with his band, the Experience, two weeks later. But the galactic travel came in overdubs recorded on February 3rd, 1967: Hendrix’s solos, swimming in echo and sparkling with harmonics, were put through an octave-boosting effect and played back at twice the speed. In less than three minutes, Hendrix opened a new age of expression on his instrument.
3. “Crossroads” Cream (1968)
Eric Clapton once described Cream’s music as “blues ancient and modern.” This track is what he meant. He was not yet 23 when he played this high-velocity version of the Robert Johnson song at San Francisco’s Winterland on March 10th, 1968. Everything in Clapton’s solos is grounded in the blues vocabulary but pointed to the future. “When Clapton soloed, he wrote wonderful symphonies from classic blues licks in that fantastic tone,” Little Steven Van Zandt told Rolling Stone in 2004. “You could sing his solos like songs in themselves.”
4. “You Really Got Me” The Kinks (1964)
It was, at first, “a jazz-type tune,” said Kinks singer Ray Davies, and the two-chord figure driving it was a sax line. “That’s what I liked at the time.” Then his brother Dave played it on guitar through an amp speaker he had poked with needles and shredded with a razor blade. (”It was a Gillette single-sided blade,” said Dave.) Dave’s solo — a tangle of zigzags and viciously bent notes — heralded the birth of Sixties garage and punk-rock guitar in one fell swoop. “I said I’d never write another song like it,” said Ray. “And I haven’t.”
5. “Brown Sugar” The Rolling Stones (1971)
“Satisfaction” may be the Rolling Stones’ most recognizable riff, but this Sticky Fingers hit — based on a gutbucket guitar part devised by Mick Jagger — is the band’s raunchy guitar pinnacle. Keith Richards’ secret weapon: He’s playing a guitar that’s missing its lowest string.
6. “Eruption” Van Halen (1978)
Eddie Van Halen’s 102-second mission statement was a piece he invented onstage: a solo showcase for his mastery of tone and technique, notably the rush of notes he produced with his fretboard tapping. An army of teens would try to duplicate it, emerging years later in every metal band of the Eighties.
7. “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” The Beatles (1968)
This is a tale of two guitar giants at an empathic peak: George Harrison, who wrote this song on acoustic guitar in India, and Eric Clapton, who amplifies Harrison’s vocal dismay with a waterfall of blues fills. It’s the finest examaple of his jagged, late-Sixties tone.
8. “Stairway to Heaven” Led Zeppelin (1971)
“Stairway,” Jimmy Page told RS in 1975, “crystallized the essence of the band.” It’s a masterpiece of dramatic ascension: Page’s acoustic picking rising into chiming chords, which introduce the solo, a brilliant succession of phrases that steadily move toward rock & roll ecstasy.
9. “Statesboro Blues” The Allman Brothers Band (1971)
In 1968, Gregg Allman went to visit his older brother, Duane, on his 22nd birthday. Duane was sick in bed, so Gregg brought along a bottle of Coricidin pills for his fever and the debut album by guitarist Taj Mahal as a gift. “About two hours after I left, my phone rang,” Gregg remembers. ” ‘Baby brother, baby brother, get over here now!’ ” When Gregg got there, Duane had poured the pills out of the bottle, washed off the label and was using it as a slide to play “Statesboro Blues,” the old Blind Willie McTell song that Taj Mahal covered. Duane had never played slide before, says Gregg, but “he just picked it up and started burnin’. He was a natural.”
The song quickly became a part of the Allman Brothers Band’s repertoire, and Duane’s slide guitar became crucial to their sound. “Statesboro Blues” was the opening track on their legendary 1971 live double album, At Fillmore East, and ever since, the moaning and squealing opening licks have given fans chills at live shows. “It wasn’t something that Duane would play the same way every night,” says current Allmans guitarist Warren Haynes, one of many guitarists who have filled Duane’s shoes since he died in late 1971. “But in all of our heads, that’s the way it goes.”
There’s one thing the current band doesn’t try to replicate from the Fillmore East performance: At the end of Duane’s sublime “Statesboro” solo, the guitarist hits an off-key note that Gregg calls the “note from hell.” “He left it in because he knew I hated it,” says Gregg, claiming that the mistake only adds to the song’s legend. “It was live. It was something that happened.” EVAN SERPICK
10. “Smells Like Teen Spirit” Nirvana (1991)
Most of “Teen Spirit” came easy — Nirvana nailed it in three takes — but that crucial Kurt Cobain guitar intro required an overdub (”That pissed him off,” said producer Butch Vig). It was worth the effort: That riff, along with the band’s loud-quiet-loud dynamics, defined Nineties rock.
It’s a pretty lame list, if you ask me. “Johnny B. Goode” and “Purple Haze” are certainly top 10 material but most of the others aren’t. A lot of them aren’t event particularly good guitar songs.
Certainly, almost any AC/DC song you’ve ever heard of is better than “Stairway to Heaven” as a guitar jam. Indeed, so are quite a few Zeppelin songs, notably “Rock and Roll.” And where’s Lynyrd Skynrd’s “Freebird”? That’s gotta be in the top 10.
Source: “The 100 Greatest Guitar Songs of All Time” [Rolling Stone]
While I am not a horror flick fan, I do find number 9 on the list of annoying people insulting. Uwe Boll can’t take criticism, but who can these days? After a few of movies sucked and the critics let him have it, he challenged the to a “boxing match.” Yes, because punching someone will prove you have the artistic skills to make films. If that is the case then Mohamed Ali is the next Steven Spielberg. To make matters worse for himself he also makes fun of the September 11th attacks.
Perez Hilton is scraping the bottom of the barrel at 8th place. The self entitled “Queen of the Media” is the subject of lawsuits when celebs hear the name of the z-lister they cringe. When fellow bloggers hear the moniker we slap our heads in shame. His barely informative dribble marked with white dots and drawings make me feel dirty. (Not in a good way.)
7th place goes to the guy who put the life of Prince Harry in danger to score some press. Matt Drudge also earns his annoyance award for defending Mark Foley’s indiscretions with congressional pages. He was also wrapped up in some “Openly Gay Canadian issues.
Chris Crocker sits happily at spot 6. This is the guy/girl…manimal that went crazy and tried to defend Britney Spears by screaming and crying with a sheet over his/her head. After comparing her to “as big of a topic as 9/11” Crocker didn’t make friends. Britney herself was insulted by the video of the rant. Good God, what do you have to do to insult someone who is kosher with shaving her head and wearing fishnet stockings while foaming at the mouth for Red Bull and blow?
The spot in fifth place is blog hater Buzz Bissinger. He was on the HBO program “Costas Now” to rip apart the blogging world. While I respect (but disagree with ) his thoughts that blogs “destroy journalism” he decided to go crazy and get violent in making his point. I hardly find it necessary to bust out my clubs and dueling pistols to chat about journalistic integrity.
4th place belongs to Michael Crook. He is the most hated for his views on the military. He is genuinely an idiot that devoted a site to “Forsake Our Troops.” The general opinion of this turd is that military men and women are “scumbags” and deserve to die. He feels that the are overpaid for putting their life on the line on a daily basis providing him with right to sit at home a be a douche bag. This is the type of guy who bitches about the military issues but is the first to call on them when our country is attacked.
Number three is, of course, Rosie O’Donnell. The former Queen of Nice now uses the internet to blog haikus of political views. (Yes I realize that rhymed.) The good thing about this is that you aren’t forced into visiting her blog.
The “Spam King” is under the scope of hatred at number two. Robert Soloway is responsible for using the net to lure people into giving out info via spam e-mail. Currently he is facing 26 years in jail thanks to charges of e-mail fraud, identity theft and tax evasion. Yes, he is the assclapper that started the “Strategic Partnership Against Microsoft Illegal Spam.”
Tila Tequila takes first place. After tempting pervs out there with the promise of bisexuality and being a total skank failed to impress the masses her music is just the icing on the cake. Page Six isn’t a fan of her or her musical endeavors…and neither are her “fans.” Her first single sold a measly 13,000 copies. Ouch.
Source: The Web’s Nine Most Obnoxious People [Switched]
Shows about nothing, shows with characters so outrageous they’re almost (and sometimes literally) cartoons, shows about families and shows about friends — they’re all in our countdown of the Top 10 Comedy Shows of All Time.
10. Friends
(1994 - 2004)
The fact that Monica and Rachel lived in a swanky New York apartment they could never have afforded in the real world didn’t diminish how much we loved the ‘Friends’-ship of the Central Perk gang, the Ross-Rachel romance and our favorite TV wiseacre, Chandler Bing.
9. I Love Lucy
(1951 - 1957)
A comedy so classic it still goes down as smoothly as a bottle of Vitameatavegamin, the first major TV ratings hit owed its success to Lucille Ball’s gift for physical comedy, whether re-enacting the Marx Brothers’ mirror scene with Harpo, wrapping candy with Ethel or selling that “health” tonic.
8. Roseanne
(1988 - 1997)
This picture of a working-class family was loving but not mushy, and didn’t gloss over mundane worries like paying the mortgage, working a dead-end job and dealing with sassy kids. In fact, Roseanne mined them for comedy gold, and did so without looking or sounding like the typical sitcom mom.
7. The Cosby Show
(1984 - 1992)
It was the family we all wanted to be a part of: the Huxtables, led by Cliff and Clair, two professional, in-love parents who ruled with a firm hand and lots of humor, whether buying Theo a Gordon Gartrell shirt, planning the classic anniversary performances for the grandparents or throwing a funeral for a pet fish.
6. M*A*S*H
(1972 - 1983)
From Hawkeye’s womanizing to Klinger’s obsession with getting a Section Eight, a constant barrage of wisecracks and juvenile pranks was just what the doctor ordered for these Korean War army surgeons, whose gallows humor was the only way they, and viewers, could deal with the traumas of war.
5. Cheers
(1982 - 1993)
The Boston gang gave us not only a seminal workplace sitcom, but also one of the best TV romances ever with baseball pro-turned-bar owner Sam and snooty “student of life” Diane, and one of the all-time greatest ensemble casts in know-it-all Cliff, beer-lovin’ Norm, gold-digging Rebecca and naive Woody.
4. The Mary Tyler Moore Show
(1970 - 1977)
She’d once played Dick Van Dyke’s perfect sitcom wife, but here, MTM was the quintessential single career gal intent on conquering Minneapolis. As for the stellar supporting cast, Mr. Grant, Rhoda and Phyllis got their own spin-offs.
3. All in the Family
(1971 - 1979)
At the center of this groundbreaking comedy was “lovable bigot” Archie Bunker, whose rants on race, sex, religion, his dingbat wife and meathead son-in-law (and his hilarious meeting with Sammy Davis Jr.) only served to highlight just how ridiculous his viewpoints were.
2. Seinfeld
(1990 - 1998)
A show about nothing? Nah, it was about everything in the lives of four self-involved New Yorkers. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, because no one but Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer — and show co-creator Larry David — could have turned minutiae into nine seasons of comedic brilliance.
1. The Simpsons
(1989 - Present)
The longest-running comedy on TV holds that record for a reason — it is, quite simply, the best sitcom in history. The animated classic has spent 19 seasons mocking and celebrating pop culture, and giving us TV’s most beloved family and most delightfully ornery 10-year-old, Bartholomew J. Simpson.
Too many actresses are believing the line that you can’t be too thin. Please, ladies, eat a sandwich or something at the craft services cart. Here are a special shout-out to ten skinny-ass celebs that used to really turn heads
Thandie Newton
Most recently seen in: Run Fat Boy Run
Last time she was hot: Mission: Impossible II
There was a time that Thandie Newton was the next Hollywood hottie. Then someone must have suggested that she had some jelly rolls, because she lost more weight than a cancer patient on Atkins. Now she looks more like a zero-body-fat lizard than a celebrity beauty.
Victoria Beckham
Most recently seen in: Ugly Betty
Last time she was hot: when the Spice Girls were
Not that I was a fan of the Spice Girls, but I will admit that they covered all the bases in terms of fantasy girls. But the former Posh Spice has lost so much weight that her once sultry figure makes her look like a lollipop - a wobbly head on a stick. I’m afraid her neck is going to snap and her hubby will kick her head around their flat like a soccer ball.
Jennifer Connelly
Most recently seen in: Reservation Road
Last time she was hot: Requiem for a Dream
Can you believe this was the girl from The Rocketeer? Or Dark City? This buxom brunette starts getting some Hollywood credibility and drops down to a size zero. There’s nothing wrong with losing a little pudge, but when you look like one of the starving children from Sierra Leone in Blood Diamond, something’s wrong.
Rachel Taylor
Most recently seen in: Shutter
Last time she was hot: Transformers
Okay, I really loved her debut in Transformers. Very few ladies in Hollywood could give Megan Fox a run for the money, especially in a two-hour Michael Bay beer commercial. But in Shutter, this girl looked like she hadn’t eaten since working with Bay. She could make it as an up-and-coming hottie, if she actually ate a sandwich.
Kate Bosworth
Most recently seen in: 21
Last time she was hot: Blue Crush
She just beat the house last weekend in 21, and she banged Superman without being mortally wounded, but I just can’t get over the fact she looks like a 12-year-old boy. It wasn’t hard to hide her nipples in the 21 sex scene, considering she’s about as anorexically flat-chested as Jim Sturgess was.
Ashlee Simpson
Most recently seen in: 2008 Kids Choice Awards
Last time she was hot: 2008 Kids Choice Awards, but still doesn’t look healthy
She was the less-cute sister of Jessica Simpsons, but thanks to silicone, collagen, rhinoplasty and crash diets, she now looks like a supermodel. But that’s not a good thing. It might work for a bulimic supermodel, but for a girl who could have been America’s sweetheart, she looks less like her former self than Michael Jackson does.
Angelina Jolie
Most recently seen in: Beowulf
Last time she was hot: Beowulf (hell, they can do a lot with CGI)
Not too long ago, I saw a tabloid compare photos of Jolie’s scrawny, veiny arm to that of geriatric Clint Eastwood. And you know what? Sometimes tabloids are right. This once hot chick has gotten way too thin. Have you seen the trailers for Wanted? Give me back the Gia days, baby!
Lindsay Lohan
Most recently seen in: I Know Who Killed Me
Last time she was hot: Herbie Fully Loaded
Granted, she’s up and down more often than Oprah lately, but let’s blame this on her lack of focus. I saw her nudie shots from New York Magazine. And while I’m impressed with her huge (but obviously fake) knockers, I just can’t get excited about the freckly femme’s whisper-thin frame. She was chubby-cheerleader cute for a while, but just a year or so ago, her weight plummeted, making her scary-thin for a while.
Saffron Burrows
Most recently seen in: The Bank Job
Last time she was hot: Deep Blue Sea
It’s arguable that former model Saffron Burrows ever really looked healthy. But watching this scrawny, lanky lady tower over Jason Statham in The Bank Job was enough to get her on this list. She made his evil co-star from Transporter 2 look fat. Still, that underwear shot in Deep Blue Sea was pretty nice.
Gwyneth Paltrow
Most recently seen in: The Good Night
Last time she was hot: Se7en
Anyone who is familiar with me as a film critic knows that I have been highly critical of Paltrow for years. But aside from her inability to act (and so many people’s inability to see that she can’t act), I detest how she is physically wasting away as she gets older. She’s one of those girls that went overboard to lose the baby weight. Now, as she enters her late 30s, that too-thin look is not working for her.
It’s happened to all of us. You see a chick with long luscious legs. Right above those is a tight, firm rear. Next is their slim waist and chiseled abs. And then comes the breasts. Either large and augmented or natural and perky, it doesn’t matter, they all have them and they are spectacular.
But then she turns around or you get a good look at her face and it makes your stomach turn. Collagen swollen lips, cheeks tucked into foreheads and man-like features are enough to disappoint any man. It’s the butterface.
10. Hilary Swank
She was in Boys Don’t Cry where she won an Oscar for playing a man in a movie. That pretty much assures that you won’t be on Victoria’s Secret short list for their next Angel. But when you sculpt your body into a machine with chiseled abs, tight ass, and toned everything, men will take notice. Too bad getting your next Oscar makes you perfect as a look-alike for a butch chick boxer.
9. April Scott
Nothing can compare to April’s long legs, a spectacular ass and great tits in a g-string and push-up bra. Too bad the compliments end there. She’s yet another “model” who’s posed in too many face flattering over-the-shoulder shots. Her claims to fame are b-listed to no end. Only thumb-nailed shots trick you into thinking she’s actually hot.
8. Haylie Duff
The gene pool in this family got a little shallow after younger sister Hilary graced us with her presence. Poor, poor Haylie got the short end of the stick when it came to the neck-up department, and is doomed to forever be Hillary’s older, uglier sister. But with her smoking body she’s assured a pity lay by some B-actor and continued “fame.”
7. Christina Ricci
When your first major role is on the Addams Family as Wednesday, you know you’re going to make this list. Peel the Goth gear away though and she’ll make any man howl. She showed what she had in Prozac Nation and her all-natural body isn’t as scary as her face. There’s no wonder why Samuel Jackson would slap a leash on her and keep her as a pet. Now that’s what I call reparations.
6. Lisa Rinna
This Former Days of Our Lives cast member and more recently “contestant” on Dancing with the Stars certainly has a body that won’t quit. And for being 43 and popping out two kids, her body is one of the best in the business. Too bad she couldn’t resist buying some DSLs that make her face look utterly busted and ridiculous.
5. Rebecca Loos
Rebecca is more proof guys think with their other, smaller head. As personal assistant to billionaire David Beckham, it’s clear what two credentials got her hired. That, and the fact that she’s openly bisexual. Taking that into consideration it’s easy to forgive Beckham for not looking directly at her face when he hired her.
4. Tori Spelling
With a face like hers only two things could get her a big break on a show filled with beautiful people: her smoking body and her last name. But there she is, cast as the ugly best friend the other hot chicks in Beverly Hills confide in. Only a paper bag makes her bangable - that and the piles of money daddy gave her.
3. Vida Guerra
With a body (and ass) like hers it’s easy to forget what Vida actually looks like. But inevitably, one’s eyes wander above the torso and neck area and after that it’s game over. Once again, cunning photographers put her best asset forward while keeping her looking over her shoulder in that all too familiar busted-face pose. She better watch out, the guy with the ugly stick is still right behind her.
2. Carmit
The only Pussycat Doll that could make you say me-ewww once you got a good look at her. It’s a good thing they keep her at or near the back of the pack. Even her magazine “glamour” shots conveniently place her in the busted-face over-the-shoulder-ass-protruding pose. She is living proof that sometimes talent and a smoking body alone can make you a sex symbol.
1. Fergie
Fergie started as the hot chick in the Black Eyed Peas and was the only reason to sit through one of their music videos. Her dancer inspired body is one of the hardest and hottest in the music and entertainment industry. Now her solo career has thrust her into the limelight and it’s way too bright. Besides her gnarly man-hands, the good doctor got a tad ambitious with all the nips, tucks and peels, making her look downright scary.
source: Top 10 Celebrity Butterfaces [double viking]
Imagine “Pretty Woman” starring Molly Ringwald. Or “Raiders of the Lost Ark” with Tom Selleck as leading man. How about “The Graduate” with Robert Redford playing Benjamin Braddock — instead of Dustin Hoffman?
It’s only on the rare occasion that viewers try to imagine a different cast, that’s when they realize the impact of such decisions.
Try to consider the 1980s sitcom “Family Ties” without Michael J. Fox playing uber-Republican Alex P. Keaton. It seems almost impossible now, but the television studio only offered the now-iconic part to Fox after first-choice Matthew Broderick passed on the role.
Making the right casting call is crucial to financial success in entertainment, which is why a casting director (either employed by the studio or working on a freelance basis) as well as a director, producer, and studio executives weigh in on the decisions.
See the rest after the jump!
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How often do a brother and a sister make the top 10 of the same list?
10. Ally Hilfiger - Before “Laguna Beach,” in 2003 “Rich Girls” ruled the MTV privileged kid reality slot. Ally and her then friend, Jaime Gleicher, had every aspect of their Manhattan lives featured. During its only season, the daughter of famed designer Tommy claimed her father invented Cargo pants. Since the show wrapped, she’s visited rehab, but also recently had an art exhibit at the Chelsea Art Museum.
9. Stavros Niarchos III - The grandson of shipping tycoon Stavros Niarchos, who was a rival of Aristotle Onassis, is best known for dating Paris Hilton, Mary-Kate
“The Wentz family, our Christmas card just got upgraded!” – Pete Wentz, on new wife Ashlee’s decision to change her last name to his, to PEOPLE
