15 TV Characters Who Should Have Come Out Of The Closet

There isn’t many gay characters on TV these days because it is still considered a big issue, so you can imagine how little there was years ago. Well here is a list of 15 characters that should have come out of the closet…

15. Alice Nelson (”The Brady Bunch”)

Now the first thing you’re going to say here is “Hey Bill, you’re so wrong. Alice wasn’t gay. She was dating Sam the butcher.” Well, I am very aware of that, but have you really considered what they were doing while dating? Most of their time together was spent bowling. Do you know many heterosexual women who own their own bowling ball? Alice often boasted of the ‘”free meat” she received from Sam. In modern times that would translate to sex, but during that period, and the fact that Sam was actually a butcher, it really just meant chuck roasts and hamburger. Unable to exercise her homosexual desires, Alice used the men around her to get what she wanted. In turn spending her time loveless and attempting to live her life vicariously though the families she took care of. Alice, my friends, was a full blown lesbian and we loved her.

14. Uncle Arthur (”Bewitched”)

The fun loving brother of Samantha Stevens’ Mother Endora, Uncle Arthur was considered flamboyant even for warlock standards. He was also the only one of Samantha’s relatives who seemed to like Darren. These are just some of the things that gave us a clue to the sexual orientation of our favorite TV magic user. Poof!

13. Jo Polniaczek (”Facts Of Life”)

Imagine you’re a student in an all girls school who is questioning her sexuality. Imagine that you cannot share your desires with the world because there is too much bias in a decade that has not yet embraced homosexuality (oh, those frigid 80s). It’s a terrible burden to deal with. What do you do? You would turn your tomboy to 11 and threaten to pummel every girl who looks at you wrong. In time, you’re going to be great friends with these other students, but the relationship won’t truly blossom until the college years where you can finally express your sexuality with each other. Poor Jo grew up around girls who she found attractive, but like Ms. Garrett’s cookies, were considered untouchable except to customers and George Clooney.

12. Balki Bartokomous (”Perfect Strangers”)

There is a difference between coming to America to make a better life for yourself, and escaping prosecution from angry and uneducated villagers who don’t understand and can’t begin to fathom your sexual beliefs. Although, even in the strangest of regions our friend, Balki would have been considered an odd duck. What better way to downsize your awkwardness than residing with the most socially inept cousin you barely knew you had. Balki also helped set the bar for fashion trends for many homosexual men. Beyond the occasional lederhosen and bolo tie, he actually created a few fashions that still stand today, though mostly in pride parades and on “Star Search.”

11. Jimmy (”H.R. Pufnstuf”)

I’m going to keep this short. A little boy likes to skip and jump while keeping his best friend in his mouth. I’m not even going to talk about his yellow shirt and haircut.

10. Reuben Kincaid (”Partridge Family”)

You only have to watch two episodes to start questioning why Reuben and Shirley Partridge never hooked up. You only have to watch two more to figure it out why they didn’t. Reuben Kincaid was a closet homosexual. He was a 40-something single man who worked in the entertainment industry and had a large collection of snazzy wool sports coats. There is no way you can convince me that the super-fancy tour bus paint job wasn’t his either. He just never wanted to take the credit.

9. Eddie Haskell (”Leave it to Beaver”)

Well groomed and constantly putting on a persona for everyone around him, Eddie Haskell is a textbook case of hiding homosexuality. It was hard to witness the all the perils in Haskell’s life considering the network wouldn’t even show a toilet in a bathroom. But, a present day “Beaver” sitcom would reveal all sorts of sexual tensions, unspoken desires… and more beaver jokes.

8. Xena (”Xena: Warrior Princess”)

Xena was a penis short of being a man. Her hatred towards men brought on by bad treatment from the Gods scarred her psyche and gave her a really big phallic sword to treat it. Not only is she a lesbian, she is an angry one. Her relationships are usually with very questionable and weak men, as well as young and hot women. She and her partner Gabrielle were often seen together in a bedroll, holding and comforting one another, or declaring their devotion. There was even the occasional kiss. Long, hot, sensual kisses. Yum.

7. Peppermint Patty (”Peanuts”)

Peppermint Patty wrote the book on how the be a man in a lesbian relationship.

6. Col. Wilhelm Klink (”Hogan’s Hereos”)

Understanding this guy wasn’t a person other soldiers would want to share a foxhole with, the German army made him a commander in a POW camp surrounded by hundreds of men he could be the “boss” to all day long. You can’t tell me he wasn’t taking peeks inside the showers or supervising disciplinary actions in the compound. The reason you never heard about these things is the one guy who would know would never say a thing. When asked Schultz would let you know “he sees nuthink!”

5. Murray Slaughter (”Mary Tyler Moore”)

Murray was a single, middle aged man who constantly shared his feelings with his female best friend. Murray was 10 times gayer than even he knew. Often seen in a sweater and unable to express his attraction to Ted Baxter, Murray led a torturous life. I feel he was four more seasons away from committing a horrible sex crime brought on by years of sexual frustration and male pattern baldness.

4. Waylon Smithers (”The Simpsons”)

Is there anything here I can tell you that you don’t already know? His love is expressed everyday for his boss. The one and only man he will ever love, and the one man he can never have. This will never stop him from offering his heart and soul, as well as the lips that will always remained unkissed… unless you count Mr. Burns’ ass.

3. Floyd Lawson (”Andy Griffith Show”)

Lonely and awkward, Floyd spent his days quietly cutting men’s hair or socializing with local gentlemen on the park bench in front of his store. The biggest clue would probably be the name of the first episode he appeared. It was entitled “The Gay Deceiver.”

2. He-Man (”He-Man”)

He-Man is the alter ego of Prince Adam of Eternia, son of King Randor and Queen Marlena and one of the biggest pansies to set foot in Castle Grayskull. Donned in lavender, he spends his days talking to his cat until trouble is found. He then lifts his sword and turns into an even gayer version of himself, He-Man the confident strong gay male that Prince Adam always wanted to be. A nice tan and questionable hair was not all he had. He could use his brute strength to wrestle any opponent to the ground. Watch out, it’s going to get sweaty.

1. Bert and Ernie (”Sesame Street”)

Those two guys have been living together for all these years, sharing a bedroom and sharing each other’s lives. There have never been discussions of women or other manly stuff. It would seem most of their conversations were center Ernie’s baths and rubber ducks. If there were ever two men who needed to confess their undying love for each other… it is these two. Don’t get me started on Kermit the Frog!

I agree with pretty much all of them but where the hell is Spongebob?

source: 15 TV Characters Who Never Came Out Of The Closet (But Should Have) [TV Munchies]

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25 Biggest Emmy Snubs

Last week we got the nominations for the 2009 Emmy Awards, but now we get an even better list – the 25 biggest Emmy snubs ever.

25. SPORTS NIGHT
Aaron Sorkin’s dramedy about a struggling cable sports program had it all: a swoon-inducing central romance (between Peter Krause’s sly anchor and Felicity Huffman’s brainy producer); a stunning supporting cast (including the awesome Robert Guillaume); and lightning-quick dialogue that ranged from heartbreaking to hilarious. And funny enough, we reacted to Sports Night’s lack of Emmy recognition much the same way we would to a typical episode — by laughing out loud and reaching for the Kleenex.

24. WALTON GOGGINS
The Shield
Michael Chiklis garnered most of the award attention for his bulldog-on-steroids performance as Vic Mackey, the head of a stop-at-nothing L.A. police squad. But as his onetime right-hand man and best friend Shane Vendrell, Goggins also proved he’s an acting force to be reckoned with. A loose cannon whose messes kept getting bigger and stickier and more dangerous each season, Shane spun out of control in season 6, playing all sides against each other and becoming hell-bent on self-destruction after dropping a hand grenade in the lap of his squad mate at the end of season 5.

23. MY SO-CALLED LIFE
Okay, so it only lasted one season. And while ”the Academy” didn’t know it then, this critically acclaimed ratings bust has since become one of the most beloved cult-classics to ever hit the tube. It not only captured teen angst in a way few have been able to replicate, but it also showed the softer side of trying to figure out who you are. Although I may never forgive Claire Danes (she admitted to EW in 2004 that she had a hand in the show not returning for a second season) at least they didn’t go with their first rumored pick — Alicia Silverstone. Cher pining over brooding Jordan Catalano? Whatever!

22. SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Can you believe it!? I guess it’s not too surprising that SMG was never nominated. The closest this classic ever got to a major nomination was a writing nod for the genius Joss Whedon (and the poor guy didn’t even win). But if there was one person that deserved that little golden angel it was Gellar (duh), who played Buffy Summers as a high school girl all high school kids could relate to. Sure, the goths may have claimed her, but Buffy blurred the lines of cliques and social circles and played into a fantasy any high schooler would envy: superpowers + important mission in life.

21. HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET
When it premiered in January 1993, Homicide was a meticulously bleak show — morose, cynical, and allusive in a way nothing else on prime time was even trying to be. Critical raves poured in for these tales of the Baltimore homicide division; viewers, correctly suspecting a downer, stayed away in droves. Sadly, the Academy didn’t bestow the Best Dramatic Series love either. And that’s a crime.

20. AN AMERICAN FAMILY
Twelve episodes. One family. A 20-year-old gay man. And more than 10 million viewers. Long before The Real World, The Osbournes, and Wife Swap, filmmakers Susan and Alan Raymond gave America a peek inside the lives of a normal clan, the Louds, in An American Family. PBS’ documentary series was so ahead of its time that no Emmy category existed in 1973 to accommodate it. (Sure, it might have qualified for Outstanding Documentary, but that category was filled with news-division shows on such topics as Watergate.) Among the first ”ordinary people” to become ”celebrities,” the Loud family appeared on the cover of Newsweek and son Lance became something of a gay icon. Little did they know what they had wrought.

19. KATEY SAGAL
Married…With Children
With a cigarette dangling from one hand and the remote control from the other, Sagal’s sex-obsessed Peggy ruled the suburban middle-class wasteland that was the Bundy household. It was the actress’ own idea to outfit her character in ’60s- and ’70s-style TV-housewife garb — a hilarious move, as it further highlighted the divide between those women’s devotion to homemaking and Peg’s refusal to ever lift a fake nail…unless it was to eat a bonbon.

18. RON HOWARD
The Andy Griffith Show and Happy Days
Don’t you wish there was a ”Best Narration” category? Because Ron Howard would’ve cleaned up for Arrested Development. Sticking to his on-screen appearances, the Academy dissed Howard in his six seasons as Howdy Doody look-alike Richie Cunningham on Happy Days. But how could little Ronny not have scored a nod for the episode ”Opie the Birdman” from The Andy Griffith Show? Not many child stars can communicate a dawning youngster’s awareness of the value of life, the importance of parenting, and the pain of separation as he did in this episode, a performance mature in its innocence.

17. AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL
Just how crazy a weave must Tyra don before Emmy takes notice of ANTM? The supermodel’s modeling competition may not score the ratings of some other reality juggernauts, but when it comes to entertainment value, the show never disappoints (see: every cycle’s makeover episode). And unlike some other reality shows, ANTM actually does produce some success stories (e.g. Eva Pigford, Danielle Evans, Adrianne Curry…kinda). C’mon Emmy, you know that ANTM deserves to still be in the running to become Best. Reality. Competition. Show.

16. KRISTIN DAVIS
Sex and the City
From home, we all followed Kristin Davis’ Park Avenue princess Charlotte York as she went through the same big-girl realizations as the rest of us. Discarding Prince Charming fantasies and big-city illusions, Charlotte developed throughout the series into the sweet but strong woman we later saw on the big screen

15. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
The most likely reason Ronald D. Moore’s magnum opus hasn’t been nominated is that it’s ”too genre,” which is ironic given that Battlestar Galactica is a self-conscious break from the genre conventions that have clogged much of TV sci-fi (I’m looking at you, Star Trek: Enterprise). BSG is great drama that just happens to be set in a sci-fi context.

14. CHLOË SEVIGNY
Big Love
While it’s slightly shocking to see indie fashionista Chloë Sevigny so comfortable in the conservative skin of Mormon Nicki on HBO’s Big Love, the actress’ portrayal of the second wife is believable far beyond her single braid/turtleneck/long skirt ensembles. She gives an honest glimpse into the struggles facing a fundamentalist polygamist gal trying to survive in a world where her belief system is illegal.

13. DESI ARNAZ
I Love Lucy
Sure, we all know that the real star of I Love Lucy was comedy legend Lucille Ball, but Lucy wouldn’t have been half as funny without her heavy-accented, bongo-banging, disciplinarian foil/husband Ricky Ricardo, played by real-life spouse Arnaz. In fact, out of the show’s four regular cast members — Ball, Arnaz, William Frawley, and Vivian Vance — Arnaz was the only one never recognized during its six-year run. Emmy, you got some ‘splainin’ to do.

12. CONNIE BRITTON AND KYLE CHANDLER
Friday Night Lights
Eric and Tami Taylor, TV’s most realistic couple (and yes, that includes reality shows), are just too divine. Why? They — he, the obsessive coach; she, the doting mom and school counselor — are believable: They fight, make up, talk, parent, and work together with the harmony and grace of a pair that’s been together in real life for years.

11. THE WIRE
We can almost convince ourselves that there were too many fantastic actors on David Simon’s Baltimore threnody for Emmy to get around to them all (though how one overlooks Dominic West or Michael K. Williams, we’ll never know). But that a series routinely hailed as one of the best shows ever on television — if not the best — never even garnered a dramatic series nod? Shameful.

10. COURTENEY COX
Friends
How was Cox — who aced her half of the Chandler-Monica affair — the only Friend ignored?

9. BOB NEWHART
The Bob Newhart Show
Three noms for Newhart’s next sitcom didn’t make up for earlier snubs.

8. HEATHER LOCKLEAR
Melrose Place
Her hilariously bitchy stroll on Melrose turned a snooze into a must-watch.

7. NORMAN FELL
Three’s Company
The only thing lovable about wife-hating homophobe Mr. Roper? Fell’s perfect timing.

6. MICHAEL LANDON
Ignoring the beloved star for his two seminal series, Bonanza and Little House on the Prairie, is like never sending your dad a Father’s Day card.

5. THE HONEYMOONERS
One of the best sitcoms on TV, and prototype for the rest of the best. Pity Emmy voters never noticed.

4. LAUREN GRAHAM
Gilmore Girls
Put those hyperliterate scripts in a lesser actress’ hands — see what hash they make of them.

3. BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Believe it or not, kids, before Lost, Emmy didn’t always understand shows with fanciful premises.

2. ANDY GRIFFITH
The Andy Griffith Show
Don Knotts nabbed four trophies, but not one nod for the sheriff? A crime!

1. ROSEANNE
Emmy loved the sitcom’s actors but never acknowledged the show or its writers. So the stars did an amazing job saying…nothing worthwhile?

I think this is one of the few lists that I agree with everything on it, yes including America’s Next Top Model. I am a huge fan of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and always thought it was robbed every year.

What are your thoughts on the list?

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Dennis Weaver, Gunsmoke and Gentle Ben Star, Dies at 81

Dennis Weaver has died of cancer. He was 81.

Dennis Weaver, the diffident deputy Chester Goode in the TV classic western “Gunsmoke” and the canny New Mexico deputy solving New York City crime in “McCloud,” has died. The actor was 81. Weaver died of complications from cancer Friday at his home in Ridgway, in southwestern Colorado, his publicist, Julian Myers, announced Monday.

“He was a wonderful man and a fine actor and we will all miss him,” Burt Reynolds, who played alongside Weaver in “Gunsmoke,” said Monday.

Weaver was a struggling actor in Hollywood in 1955, earning $60 a week delivering flowers when he was offered $300 a week for a role in a new CBS television series, “Gunsmoke.” After nine years as Chester, who he played with a stiff-legged gait, he was earning $9,000 a week. When Weaver first auditioned for the series, he found the character of Chester “inane.” He wrote in his 2001 autobiography, “All the World’s a Stage,” that he said to himself: “With all my Actors Studio training, I’ll correct this character by using my own experiences and drawing from myself.” The result was a well-rounded character that appealed to audiences, especially with his drawling, “Mis-ter Dil-lon.”

At the end of seven hit seasons, Weaver sought other horizons. He announced his departure, but the failures of pilots for his own series caused him to return to “Gunsmoke” on a limited basis for two more years. The role brought him an Emmy in the 1958-59 season.

In 1966, Weaver starred with a 600-pound black bear in “Gentle Ben,” about a family that adopts a bear as a pet. The series was well-received, but after two seasons, CBS decided it needed more adult entertainment and canceled it. Next came the character Sam McCloud, which Weaver called “the most satisfying role of my career.” The “McCloud” series, 1970-1977, put the no-nonsense lawman from Taos, N.M., onto the crime-ridden streets of New York City. His wild-west tactics, such as riding his horse through Manhattan traffic, drove local policemen crazy, but he always solved the case.

I watched “McCloud” as a kid and saw “Gentle Ben” in reruns. While I was aware of Weaver’s role on “Gunsmoke” and have seen a handful of episodes with him, I always think of Ken Curtis’ Festus as the deputy on that show.

It’s amusing that Weaver was proudest of his work on “McCloud” given that he won an Emmy for “Gunsmoke.” But I guess being the leading man is more satisfying than being the oaf sidekick. Coincidentally, Don Knotts, who played the ultimate oaf sidekick Barney Fife on the “Andy Griffith Show,” also died over the weekend.

One thing I didn’t know about Weaver until doing some research for this post is that he was president of the Screen Actors Guild from 1973-77. He has some pretty prestigious company in that regard.

crosspost from OTB

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Don Knotts Dies at 81

by Leopold Stotch

From Stephen Taylor comes some sad news:

Don Knotts, TV’s Lovable Nerd, Dies at 81 (AP)

Don Knotts, who kept generations of TV audiences laughing as bumbling Deputy Barney Fife on “The Andy Griffith Show” and would-be swinger landlord Ralph Furley on “Three’s Company,” has died. He was 81.

Knotts died Friday night of pulmonary and respiratory complications at a Los Angeles hospital, said Paul Ward, a spokesman for the cable network TV Land, which airs his two signature shows.

Griffith, who remained close friends with Knotts, said he had a brilliant comedic mind and wrote some of the show’s best scenes.
“Don was a small man … but everything else about him was large: his mind, his expressions,” Griffith told The Associated Press on Saturday. “Don was special. There’s nobody like him. “I loved him very much,” Griffith added. “We had a long and wonderful life together.”

[...]

The West Virginia-born actor’s half-century career included seven TV series and more than 25 films, but it was the Griffith show that brought him TV immortality and five Emmys.

The show ran from 1960-68, and was in the top 10 of the Nielsen ratings each season, including a No. 1 ranking its final year. It is one of only three series in TV history to bow out at the top: The others are “I Love Lucy” and “Seinfeld.” The 249 episodes have appeared frequently in reruns and have spawned a large, active network of fan clubs.

I have almost no recollection of The Andy Griffith Show, so Knotts to me will be remembered as the flamboyant would-be stud from Three’s Company. Mr. Furley’s leisure suits and jokes about Jack Tripper’s faux homosexuality were hilarious, and that show stands as an interesting snapshot of a strange era in American sociopolitical culture.

Update James Joyner: Sad news, indeed. I’m older than Stotch but even I didn’t watch Don Knotts play Barney Fife when the show was on. Indeed, he played the character from 1960-1965, before I was born. Still, I have probably seen every episode numerous times in the intervening years.

I have often said that “The Andy Griffith Show” was the best television show of any genre ever made. My wife, growing up as she did in New England, did not have the cultural advantages that I did and had never seen the show. We are currently rectifying that situation and watching every episode, in order, on DVD via Netflix.

Knotts won an Emmy as Best Supporting Actor each of the five years he played Barney Fife. If there was ever a better sitcom character over a sustained period, I haven’t seen it. Andy Griffith, already a well-established comedic actor and stand-up comic when the show began, quickly realized that Knotts was stealing the show. Rather than try to grab the best lines for himself, he became the straight man and let Knotts have even more camera time. The result is the best five year run of any sitcom, ever. The three subsequent seasons, all in color rather than the black and white of the Knotts era, were fine but nowhere near as good.

Here’s a much more recent photo of Griffith and Knotts, taken for the “TV Land Awards,” 7 March 2004:

Wikipedia provides a concise career summary:

After being a regular performer in the soap opera Search for Tomorrow from 1953 to 1955, he gained additional exposure in 1956 on Steve Allen’s variety show, appearing in Allen’s mock “Man in the Street” interviews, always as a man obviously very nervous about being on camera.

Knotts’s portrayal of Deputy Barney Fife on the American television sitcom The Andy Griffith Show earned him five Emmy Awards. After leaving the series in 1965, Knotts starred in a series of film comedies: The Incredible Mr. Limpet (1964), The Ghost and Mr. Chicken (1966), The Reluctant Astronaut (1967), The Shakiest Gun in the West (1968) and The Love God? (1969).

In the late 1960s and early ’70s, he served as the spokesman for Dodge trucks and was featured prominently in a series of print ads and dealer brochures.

In the 1970s, Knotts and Tim Conway starred together in a series of slapstick movies, including the 1975 Disney film The Apple Dumpling Gang, and its 1979 sequel, The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again.

Knotts returned to series television in the late 1970s, appearing as landlord Ralph Furley on Three’s Company, after Audra Lindley and Norman Fell left the show to star in a short-lived spinoff series (“The Ropers”). Knotts remained on the show from 1979 until it ended in 1984. In 1986, he reunited with Andy Griffith in the 1986 made for television movie Return to Mayberry, where he reprised his role as “Barney Fife”. From 1989 to 1992, Knotts again co-starred with Grittith, playing a recurring role as pesky neighbor Les Calhoun on Matlock.

In 1998, Knotts made a cameo as the mysterious TV repairman in Pleasantville, and seven years later performed as the voice of Mayor Turkey Lurkey in Chicken Little (2005) (his first Disney movie since 1979).

My understanding is that Griffith and Knotts met when they starred in the 1955 Broadway hit “No Time for Sergeants.” They reprised their roles in the 1958 film of the same name. If you haven’t seen it, you owe it to yourself to do so. Like most films about the military, the basic training (or, technically, in this case Air Force recruit induction center) sequence was much better than the rest of the picture. Still, when you see Griffith’s terrific comedic performance as Will Stockdale and then realize that Don Knotts stole his own show away from him two years later, you really appreciate Knotts’ unique talent.

Update 2: Mac Stansbury and Barney’s Hometown have more.

Crosspost from OTB

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Related:

Andy Griffith Donates Collection to Carolina
MIGHT-AS-WELL-SEE TV
ART CARNEY, R.I.P.
MAYBERRY HORROR

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