If movies were completely scientifically accurate, they’d probably be as interesting as a Physics 101 lecture.
In real life, there are no explosions in space, gas usually doesn’t explode from a lit cigarette.
Some movies, though, put science front and center in the story and more often than not the science proves to be head-slappingly bad. Here are the top 10 offenders:
Armageddon
We could put together a long list of all the things wrong with Michael Bay’s feel-good ode to global destruction, but NASA has already and they counted at least 168 mistakes. But perhaps the biggest problem is that the plot itself — splitting a Texas-sized rock in two with a single nuke — has a Texas-sized hole in it. We don’t have a nuclear bomb anywhere near powerful enough to do the job. As strange as it might seem, this is a case of a Michael Bay movie not having a big enough explosion.
Independence Day
That mammoth mothership hovering over the earth in geostationary orbit would be doing more than just freaking out the world’s population. Because of its close proximity and mass — 1/4th that of the moon, according to the film — the flying saucer’s gravitational pull would cause massive tidal waves, volcanic eruptions and earthquakes. The aliens wouldn’t even have to roll out their anti-matter ray to blow up the White House — it would already be underwater.
Starship Troopers
Could a band of cave-dwelling, preverbal giant insects really have the sophisticated mathematics and technology to hurl a rock millions of miles through space to crash into Earth? Plus, 70% of the planet’s surface is covered in water, so they only had a 3 out of 10 chance at even hitting solid ground, let alone a major city like Buenos Aires.
The Day After Tomorrow
Roland Emmerich brought his trademark academic rigor to the realm of climatology and the result proved to be so silly that NASA refused to help with the filming of the movie. For one thing, it would require most of Antarctica to melt in order to submerge New York City to the level it is in the movie. If all the rays of the sun were directed at the South Pole, its ice would melt in about two and half years. This ridiculousness drove Duke University paleoclimatologist William Hyde to publicly state, “This movie is to climate science as Frankenstein is to heart transplant surgery.”
The Core
In the movie, the Earth’s inner core — a nickel-iron mass about 1500 miles in diameter — stops rotating, causing the planet’s magnetic field to collapse and microwave radiation from space to blast through the atmosphere. But microwaves aren’t affected by magnetism, and the radiation that comes from space is too weak to damage anything here. What’s more, if the core did stop rotating for whatever reason, we’d have more to worry about than that. The energy stored in the core would have to go somewhere, and the effect on the planet would be equivalent to five trillion nuclear bombs going off at once.
The Matrix
Much in the way of physics in the Matrix — like dodging bullets and running up walls — gets a pass because it’s all within a massive virtual world. But in reality, our supposed robot overlords are a bit dim. Humans are a remarkably inefficient energy source. Instead of turning the human race into Duracells, the machines would probably get more energy just setting those goopy people pods on fire.
Jurassic Park
Having a wildlife park full of dinosaurs would be a really cool idea if it weren’t for a few problems. No, not imperfect security or the possibility of spontaneous lizard sex changes. The problem is that it would be almost impossible to clone the dinosaurs based on DNA pulled from the guts of a 25 million-year-old mosquito. The dinosaur DNA’s double helix most certainly would have been broken down into individual chunks, mixing together with whatever else the mosquitoes might have eaten along with some of the insect’s own genetic material. Any creature constructed from that mess might be the stuff of nightmares, but probably wouldn’t look like a T. Rex.
Total Recall
The red planet’s gravitational pull is roughly 1/3rd that of the Earth’s. So if, for example, an Austrian bodybuilder were to visit Mars, he would be bounding across the room like Michael Jordan. Another problem: when exposed to the thin atmosphere of Mars, like bad guy Cohaagen at the end of the movie, you would likely suffer from a raging case of the bends and you would asphyxiate — both of which are plenty lethal — but your head wouldn’t bulge out and explode like an overused stress toy.
Outbreak
A monkey threatens a small town with a virus that kills everybody in less time than your average DMV visit, and only Dustin Hoffman can stop it. The trouble with a disease that virulent is it kills the host too fast to spread. Otherwise, we would be dead from the Ebola virus. Also, it generally takes longer to make a cure from monkey serum than it does to make a latte. Dustin Hoffman does look great in a hazmat suit, though.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Indiana Jones has survived a lot of improbable adventures, be it fleeing ancient spherical boulders or fighting off cult members while dangling off a rope bridge. But few scrapes have tested the bounds of believability more than Indy’s escape from a nuclear bomb blast thanks to a lead-lined fridge. The problem is that, even if he didn’t get flattened, horribly burned or suffocated (kids, don’t hide in refrigerators), Indy almost certainly would have gotten a lethal dose of radiation from the fallout. And that’s a lot scarier than snakes.
There are many ways to measure talent in Hollywood. But for the authors of “Hollywood Babylon: It’s Back,” size is everything.
Borrowing the title of filmmaker Kenneth Anger’s classic scandal bible, authors Danforth Prince and Darwin Porter have dared to publish the pictures and stories too explicit and actionable for even the pulpiest supermarket tabloids.
Among those featured in full-frontal shots are Mick Jagger, Daniel Radcliffe, Ewan McGregor, John Malkovich, James Woods, Richard Gere and Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. We leave it to you to decide whether all the snaps are authentic.
The authors also write about the reputed size of many other stars in the book, due June 1. Johnny Depp was known as “donkey d-”, they say. Sean Connery posed nude for art studies, and one student said:”It was the biggest I’ve ever seen. It made me drop my charcoal pencil.”
Dishing with abandon, the authors spare no one - especially not the dead, who can’t sue. Lack of sources don’t stop them from claiming:
Marilyn Monroe had an affair with Ronald Reagan. The authors also claim Monroe had a tryst with Joan Crawford but refused to make it an ongoing affair. “She had bad breath,” Monroe allegedly told roommate Shelly Winters. “Besides, she wanted to do things to me that no woman should do to another woman.”
James Dean showed a disconcerting interest in a 12-year-old boy in the early 1950s. Director Elia Kazan believed the tale: “I’ve known many actors who have been twisted up in their sex lives, but never anybody as sick and unhealthy as Dean was.”
Elvis Presley had a gay old time with Nick Adams, who played Johnny Yuma in the hit TV series “The Rebel.”
Lucille Ball launched herself into show business as a hooker, and her husband Desi Arnaz had a fling with Cesar Romero.
Cary Grant had an incestuous relationship with his stepson, Lance Reventlow.
Sir Winston Churchill got “musical” with actor and songwriter Ivor Novello.
Strange things happened to Judy Garland’s body (this in the chapter on “Fan Worship and Necrophilia”).
Police believed Bette Davis killed her second husband, Arthur Farnsworth, by hitting him on the head and causing a hemorrhage that lead to his death two weeks later. But a grand jury - six men who confessed to being ardent fans - found her innocent.
California governor - actor Arnold Schwarzenegger has told a magazine that marijuana is not a drug. The ex-Hollywood actor said that he had not taken drugs, even though he was shown smoking a joint in 70s documentary Pumping Iron.
Out of left field (literally), a group of Idahoans have filed a petition with Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger at CageHilton.com, asking for the ‘eternal incarceration‘ of Paris Hilton.
The Governator has vowed to take “seriously” a bid to spare Paris Hilton a stretch behind bars.
He’ll personally review any petitions or letters the office receives on Hilton’s behalf, said Aaron McLear, a spokesman for California. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“The governor will certainly pay attention to it and act accordingly,” McLear said. “He will treat it seriously, like we do all other requests for his help.”
Schwarzenegger’s office said it has not yet received the petition launched by Hilton fan Joshua Capone calling for the governor to pardon the pampered heir-head.
It has already garnered more than 1,000 signatures.
“Should we receive the request, we’ll take action,” McLear said. “At this point, we have not received a formal document, so it’s premature because she needs to exhaust all her judicial remedies first.”
In other words, he’ll glance it over… chuckle at the absurdity, then throw it out like the trash she is. Seriously, it’s a canned answer. I can’t wait until he issues a formal statement with his decision.
MEANWHILE:
Paris fired her lawyer and is back behind the wheel. See THIS Arnold?!?
Paris Hilton has taken the meaning of ‘dumb blonde’ to unimaginable new heights, after she was pictured behind the wheel of her car just days after being handed a jail sentence for violating a driving ban.
The soon-to-be jail bird was snapped driving her £100,000 blue Bentley convertible less than a week after being handed a 45 day jail term.
The 26-year-old was given the sentence for breaking the terms of her probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case.
After rehiring her publicist, Elliot Mintzover the weekend, now Paris Hilton is using an online petition to Arnold Schwarzenegger, via her ‘My Space’ account, asking for a pardon.
Asking the Governor of California to pardon something this small, what a joke!
If this happened to you or me we’d immediately be thrown in the slammer for twice as long! We’d probably lose our licenses and our cars. She’s getting off easy if you ask me. I mean she violated her probation TWICE!? What the hell does she want, an award?
Sweetie I don’t believe they issue pardons for such minor infractions. But I do think Arnold should grant a pardon if Paris can spell his last name. Let’s practice S-c-h-w-a-r-z-e-n-e-g-g-e-r
Seriously, I’d already have my hair dyed and only be answering to “Leslie” right now. I’d work as a fry cook in some Midwestern greasy spoon. I’d be the mysterious stranger in town, and pray that no one has the Interweb. And hope that my knock-your-socks off tuna melt would convince people to protect me.
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is finding a little rest in a comfy bed in some hospital, but those pesky politicians keep trying to make him work. Higher ups in Sacramento have put Arnold on a video conference phone right from his hospital bed, in Los Angeles.
For the record, Arnold broke his leg when he attempted to ski through a tree. [heh]
The poor guy. California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger returned to the state Christmas Day for surgery after breaking his leg in an Idaho skiing accident, his spokeswoman said.
Schwarzenegger, 59, will undergo non-emergency surgery Tuesday morning to repair his fractured right femur, which he broke Saturday while skiing with his family in Sun Valley, Idaho, spokeswoman Julie Soderlund said.
The procedure will use cables and screws to secure the governor’s upper right thigh bone, said Dr. Kevin Ehrhart, the orthopedic surgeon performing the surgery at an undisclosed hospital in Los Angeles.
“I have spoken to the governor several times since the skiing accident occurred and he is very comfortable,” Ehrhart said.
The governor, who was admitted to the hospital, will be placed under general anesthesia for no longer than two hours, though the surgery is not expected to last that long, Ehrhart said.
Schwarzenegger plans to use crutches after the operation, and his recovery is likely to take about eight weeks, the surgeon said. The governor not intend to delay his second inauguration, scheduled for Jan. 5, Soderlund said.
California Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante will serve as acting governor while Schwarzenegger is under anesthesia, said Andrea Lynn Hoch, the governor’s legal affairs secretary.
He’ll personally review any petitions or letters the office receives on Hilton’s behalf, said Aaron McLear, a spokesman for California. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.
