Dane Cook had a special surprise for Taylor Swift during their appearance on ‘The Tonight Show’ with Jay Leno on Monday night.
The comedian took off his shirt, revealing a tattoo of Swift’s face on his chest, and began to serenade the country singer.
“Taylor Swift, you’re a gift. Give me a lift to your heart, beating inside my chest, I did my best. Download it now,” Cook sang. “We love you Taylor, Taylor, Taylor Swift!”
After his performance, Swift got up and took a bow as the audience applauded Cook.
There’s nothing more enjoyable than watching a movie or TV show and seeing an actor you hate getting killed, of course it’s only fictional but still we can’t help but enjoy it. Right? Well Cracked have come up with a list of 7 television and move deaths we’ve all enjoyed a bit too much.
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07. David Caruso – King of New York
I’m still holding out hope that David Caruso is playing an elaborate hoax on the world. Somewhere between NYPD Blue and CSI Miami he was clearing out some old things and decided he didn’t need functional social etiquette anymore. He has lost all context for how regular people interact with one another, which is a crucial skill set for actors. Perhaps in a very literal attempt at avoid insulting co-stars, he refuses to talk down to anyone; instead he stoops as low as he possibly can and then looks up like a dog that just defecated in the study again. It’s especially absurd to watch when he has to talk to children. Despite the hail of insults and fast food I’m assuming he’s pelted with daily, David Caruso maintains remarkably high self esteem. It’s nice to see him knocked down a peg once in awhile, or more literally, shot in the face.
06. Paris Hilton – House of Wax
When humanity turned against Paris Hilton it wasn’t prepared for her to live so long. There was an early and hard sprint of hatred with no consideration for how exhausting it would be in the later laps. In recent years she hasn’t done anything to redeem herself but it’s almost too tiring to offer her any more attention. Still, I’m doing it. Quiet hatred is still hatred. Each time she climbed out of a car vagina first, or answered her phone during sex, or wept like a child in the back of a cop car, everyone cried “rehab!” but only for the shame it would bring her, no one actually wanted to see Paris Hilton get better. On the inside, the world was whispering a prayer that that someone throw a stake through her face instead. House of Wax answered that prayer.
05. Steven Seagal-Executive Decision
Actor-performer is a generous term for Steven Seagal, it feels more applicable to call him a pretend-Native-American-who-does-martial-arts-while-cameras-roll. He has acted in over 35 films and stubbornly refuses to get any better at it. Yet, even with his illustrious career making movies and his labored musical persuits, Steven Seagal still finds time for love. He made headlines this year when his assistant accused him keeping and abusing sex slaves. The assaults described, while horrific, were considerably more lumbering and awkward than anyone anticipated from an accomplished martial artist. Then again, there are few elegant ways to choke a sex slave. So, on the scale of human decency, Steven Seagal sits squarely behind the chimpanzee that ripped that woman’s face off a while back. What his death in Executive Decision lacks blood or dying gasps, it makes up for in hilarious prematurity. He dies in the first half of the movie after getting sucked out of a jet midair. He doesn’t get to roundhouse anyone or dole out any Native American wisdom; leaving him only with acting to justify his presence onscreen, something he presumably hates because he only does it while wincing. His death is particularly gratifying to watch given the back story of the film’s production. Steven Seagal didn’t want his character to die, concerned his fan(s) wouldn’t like it. Eventually he was forced to do the scene as it was written with the studio threatening a breach of contract lawsuit. Knowing that his death was also a stab at his ego is its own special reward.
04. Tara Reid-Urban Legend
There’s a scene in The Shining when Jack Nicholson kisses a beautiful naked woman in a bathroom before her body decays instantly and she becomes a bloated, festering corpse in his arms. I imagine that’s how a lot of teenage boys felt about Tara Reid while using her as masturbation fodder in the late 90s. Not even meth can destroy a human body as quickly as Tara Reid has destroyed hers. Like a walking D.A.R.E. scare tactic, she is the end result of a life of over-stimulation, except she achieved it in only a few years. Her tireless dedication to impulse earned her the reality show Taradise for a year before audiences lost interest in watching a pie-wagon shaped drunk chicken fight in a pool over and over.
03. Jennifer Lopez-Jersey Girl
When Jennifer Lopez dies in the first fifteen minutes of Jersey Girl I think audiences are supposed to feel something like sadness. But after years of hearing the tantrums and demands and general entitlement, it’s hard not to relax in the few seconds of silence after her passing. Even better, her death isn’t dealt by a killer but a tiny child.
02. Tom Cruise-Valkyrie
Audiences never anticipated that they would see an American made movie set in the 1940s with a German hero. They also never anticipated that they would cheer when that hero was shot in front of a firing squad of Nazis at the end of the film. Valkyrie created a tremendous moral conflict for German moviegoers in particular because they were forced to choose which they hated more: Nazis, or Tom Cruise. For a country that loves putting up with the nonsense from American stars, they draw a fat line in the sand when it comes to Scientology. Germany as a whole was unwilling to let Valkyrie shoot at the Bender Block where the actual Colonel Stauffenberg was killed, specifically because of Tom Cruise’s involvement in the film and the thetan infecting his brain.
01. Dane Cook-Mr. Brooks
Early on in his career, Dane Cook did a bit about the moments when the middle finger isn’t enough of an insult, and how the middle combined with the ring finger could be a lot more effectual when the situation demanded it: The Super Finger. In other words, he took an idea created by someone else, already infused with a deep implications and significance, then altered it slightly into something more confusing before claiming it as his own. This seems like a nice analogy for Dane Cook’s entire career. All of his stadium appearances, merchandise sales and TV appearances are born on the backs of other comedians who were around long before he stumbled into popularity and gutted the soul from their jokes. There are a lot of reasons to hate Dane Cook, so it’s particularly enjoyable to see him murdered on screen. I would equate it to the joy you might feel thinking about an arena packed with people all giving Dane Cook the Super Finger and him mistaking it for praise.
Yup, I’ve enjoyed them all.
source: 7 Celebrity Movie Deaths We Enjoyed Way Too Much [Cracked]
With all the drama surrounding Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien it is time to take a look at the most hated comedians of all time and as you guess, Leno is indeed one of these comedians.
Jay Leno:
Why he’s hated: He’s poisonous prune juice.
Jay Leno is the inspiration for this list. He is everything a comedian shouldn’t be. His material hasn’t been funny for years, it’s is dumbed-down for a crowd that doesn’t want be challenged intellectually, and in the brotherhood of comedians, he betrayed his brethren by selling Conan down the river. Jay Leno is the runaway winner on this list.
Jeff Dunham:
Why he’s hated: Racist puppets.
If Jeff Dunham wasn’t a comedian, he would probably be a Klan leader. The man is so racist, and so crude, that anyone laughing at his jokes should be ashamed of themselves. Thankfully Comedy Central mercifully canceled The Jeff Dunham Show after one season. Using puppets to be racist makes everyone overlook that it’s not actually a racist puppet, but a racist comedian with his hand jammed up a puppet’s ass.
Carlos Mencia:
Why he’s hated: He’s a thief.
Not only does he steal jokes from classic comedians but he’s needlessly racist and had no sense of comedic timing whatsoever. Plagiarism and lack of comedic skills leads to him having a television show on Comedy Central. Where he continues to plagiarize and mock every promising comedian on the planet.
Dane Cook:
Why he’s hated: Insufferable prick.
Dane Cook wasn’t always hated. In fact, he was actually liked at one point. He was just catapulted to fame so fast, that he didn’t have nearly enough material to sustain himself as a consistently funny comedian. Instead of telling jokes, he just degraded into becoming the douchiest man in all of comedy. He had one of the worst specials HBO ever aired, and his trademark “superfinger” made everyone want to just give him the regular finger.
Rosie O’Donell:
Why she’s hated: She starts shit with everybody.
It’s one thing to be outspoken, but there is also a breaking point. Rosie O’Donell—while a good comedienne—simply can not stop picking fights. In her time, she has had very public feuds with Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Donald Trump, her publisher, Star Jones, and Barbara Walters . Everybody loves a good feud, but at this point, people are growing weary of her antics.
George Lopez:
Why he’s hated: Somehow flipped tired, racist jokes into a career.
George Lopez, if anything, gives hope to people who want to be famous but have absolutely nothing to offer. George Lopez literally brings nothing to the table except jokes about how Latino, black, and white people differ from one another. If you want to see someone be on point about racist issues, just watch Dave Chapelle. In fact, watch Dave Chapelle, then watch George Lopez immediately after. You will see such a large gap in comedic sensibilities that you will become angry. Angry at the fact that not only did George Lopez have a terrible sitcom for 6 years on ABC, but now has a terrible late night talk show. And they’re both successful. There is no justice in this world.
Carrot Top:
Why he’s hated: Stupid props.
It seems that every new moon Carrot Top takes a break from working out to go to The Tonight Show, manically grab props out of a bag, (an ashtray attached to a bottle for redneck moms? HA!) and then promptly recede back to the gym to work on his delts.
Sarah Silverman:
Why she’s hated: She uses crudeness as a crutch.
A lot of people like Sarah Silverman, but she definitely deserves a place on this list. There are plenty of comedians that are cruder, blunter, more disgusting, and funnier than Silverman. Only they will never even sniff the success that Silverman has attained. So why did she become successful and they didn’t? Because she’s Jewish, she’s attractive (but not afraid to wear a wacky mustache in public!), and she says “fuck” a lot while talking about taboo subjects.
Gallagher :
Why he’s hated: He’s the original Carrot Top.
A man who built his reputation on an act that isn’t even remotely funny. His humor was mainly physical, and when he did actually use words to make jokes, they were terrible. Like his famous bit on how T-O-M-B and C-O-M-B are pronounced differently. What a riot!
But what makes Gallagher even worse is how poorly he’s aged. Just check out his recent interview with The Onion’s AV Club. He comes off as jaded, old, bitter, racist, obnoxious, and most of all not funny. This is a man who became famous for smashing watermelons calling the current comedy landscape “mediocre and boring.” That alone right there should merit him a spot on this list.
What comedians do you love and hate? I agree with this list completely because I hate all of these people.
source: The Most Hated Comedians of All Time [Gawker]
She’s no stranger to showing off her girl parts then having her attorneys go after people who put ‘em up on the internet.
At last night’s taping of the 2009 Teen Choice Awards, Dane Cook made a joke about her keeping her clothes on. The man’s got a point! And what’s so sick is that she can keep doing that for years and claim that the photos were taken before she turned 18 and they’ll keep getting removed.
Check out what Dane said in the clip below: (video autoplays, so it’s after the jump)
The awards show airs tonight and since it’s for a presumably teen/pre-teen audience, I imagine that producers will edit this part out. It’s a TEEN awards show, not a roast, Dane!
The business manager for Dane Cook was arrested by Massachusetts state police Tuesday for allegedly stealing millions of dollars from the nationally known comedian.
Darryl McCauley, 43, of Wilmington, Mass., is scheduled to appear in Woburn District Court Wednesday morning. He is scheduled to be charged with two counts of larceny of over $250, forgery and larceny by continuous scheme, according to a news release by the Massachusetts Atorney General’s office.
The Darryl McCauley who was arrested managed Cook’s financial affairs from the early 1990s through this month. The AG’s investigation lasted two weeks.
Cook said in a September 2006 interview that his older brother was named Darryl McCauley. Documents available Wednesday night did not say definitively whether the McCauley who was arrested is related to Cook.
Other published reports list a Darryl McCauley as Cook’s brother and the best man in Cook’s recent wedding.
Dane Cook is dragging the ghosts of John Belushi and Steve Martin into a nasty legal battle over dog poop -– despite the fact that one of the comics isn’t even dead yet!
After a judge ruled to evict Cook from his Hollywood apartment last month because nobody picked up after the comic’s crap-happy dog, Dane has decided to fight the decision with one of the most bizarre legal arguments we’ve ever heard –- that Belushi and Martin’s supernatural leftovers have a serious affect on his career.
Cook claims he only rented the apartment in the first place because his heroes, Belushi and Martin, used to live in the same complex back in the day, and according to the court docs filed in L.A. County Superior Court, he would suffer serious “mental and emotional” damage — and his career would crumble — if he was forced to leave. In the docs, Cook claims, “I know that the presence of those that have lived there before me affects me deeply and provides me with inspiration.”
Cook went on to say, “In the same way that writers can get writer’s block, comedians can really easily run out of ideas and ‘stories’; I am extremely frightened that this will happen to me if I am forced to move out of my apartment. I’ve seen it happen to other comics, that something interferes with their connection to their creative muse, and it’s destroyed careers.”
In the three pages of desperate begging and pleading for the judge to hear his appeal, Cook also adds that he will cut a $40,000 check to the owner of the apartment ASAP to cover all of the suffering that his dookie-droppin’ doggie has caused, if he is allowed to stay.
I don’t know if Dane thinks he is funny with this or if he was drunk and/or high but he really does come across as stupid.
source: Cook’s Crappy Defense: Belushi’s Ghost Owns Me [tmz]
It’s no secret that magazines and other media outlets use Photoshop to make their cover models look “just so,” but is lightening or color correcting a photograph the same as completely changing the way a person looks?
Is this practice of over-photoshopping contributing to damaged body images of Americans?
W Magazine turned a golden goddess Kate Hudson into the ice queen on its September 2008 cover. W is claiming that the image is an actual photograph of Kate Hudson. We’re sure it is, but it looks like the photo editors glossed it over and slicked it up in Photoshop. The image also bears an uncanny resemblance to photographer Patrick Demarchelier’s 1994 Harper’s Bazaar cover photograph of Nadja Auermann. So perhaps W is guilty of more than just changing someone’s face. Way to be creative … stealing someone else’s idea and using it on one of your biggest issues of the year.
Caution: Objects may be larger than they appear. In this case it appears that Seventeen magazine used Photoshop to place Miley Cyrus‘ head on a smaller body. Does this petite 15-year-old really need to appear smaller? It also looks as if they elongated her front teeth and somehow inverted her arms. Or did they do that pose on purpose? That must have been an uncomfortable photo shoot.
Funnyman Dane Cook has recently been complaining about the movie posters for his ssoon-to-be-released flick ‘My Best Friend’s Girl.’ A few of Cook’s complaints are: “The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. It looks like I’m wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. It’s no secret that I’m more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I’ve got perfect porcelain flesh.” You missed one Dane: where is the scar on your eyebrow?
Jennifer Love Hewitt was splashed on the cover of US Weekly showing off her 18-pound weight loss, claiming that she lost the weight in 10 weeks. Skeptics are saying Jen used the “Photoshop diet” to shed those pounds. Bloggers have been calling her a hypocrite after her statement when she defended her weight gain on her website: “I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body.To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini — put it on and stay strong. XoxoJLH”.
On her new album cover, singer and actress Jennifer Hudson seems to have melted away at the midriff. Jennifer has refused to comment on her new cover.
Ukrainian actress and model Milla Jovovich is not the 13-year-old model she used to be. Can someone please tell Lucky magazine that it’s OK to look your age?
In its September 2008 issue, Elle decided to chop up (lumberjack) Jessica Simpson for the cover. It appears as if the editors chipped away at her waist and part of her left thigh and buttocks. They somehow also made her hair as wide as her hips.
James Franco is glowing on the September cover of GQ. What exactly makes a man glow like that?
Michelle Obama has discovered the fountain of youth. On this month’s cover of Ebony she doesn’t have a single line on her face. Her skin is so beautiful anyway, there was no need to make it unnatural.
Teen Vogue allowed Vanessa Hudgens to look her age on its September cover. She looks natural and very much like herself. There is some shadowing underneath her eyes in the photo on the right, but that’s nothing that a fill light wouldn’t take care of. We think this cover is the least Photoshopped of the month.
At first we thought this was a photo of Mischa Barton‘s wax figure on Marie Claire’s UK cover, because apparently her skin has a shiny plastic coating.
‘Gossip Girl’s’ Blake Lively has reportedly been unhappy with recent magazine photographs, but we think she looks beautiful on the September 2008 cover of Cosmopolitan. Her hair is wider than her hips, too, but nonetheless.
Harper’s Bazaar might have made a few minor changes, but Tyra Banks still has it. She even looks great under the glare of flash bulbs (picture at right). The former professional model still knows what she is doing.
We’re comparing the ad to a more recent photo of Beyonce from May 6th. Her skin tone does appear lighter with blond hair than dark brown, but not that light. This week Essence magazine published the same ad from L’Oreal with a much darker-skinned starlet.
Tiny sleeping beauties Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline were recently splashed across the covers of two mags, People and Hello. Skeptics are claiming the smiling infants were Photoshopped. They argue that babies do not typically smile from external stimulation until they are 2 to 4 months old. The millions paid by the magazines to the couple to secure the rights to the photos went to the pair’s charity foundation.
Old flames Jessica Simpson and Dane Cook, who were rumored to be dating while shooting ‘Employee of the Month’, may have found each other again. At the Prince concert, Simpson and Cook sat next to each other on the sofa talking into each other’s ear. “They were laughing, joking and hanging out. They practically spent all night together, dancing and touching each other.”
Now that he’s back on the standup circuit, Dave Chappelle has a lot to say. The comic, who walked out on a $50 million deal to continue his TV show and briefly took a respite in South Africa, shattered the Laugh Factory’s endurance record by taking to the comedy club’s stage for six hours and seven minutes on Sunday.
“He was absolutely amazing, for six hours making people laugh,” the club’s owner, Jamie Masada, said Tuesday.
Masada said the previous record of three hours and 50 minutes was accomplished earlier this month by Dane Cook . But until then the mark had stood at two hours and 41 minutes since Richard Pryor set it in 1980.
Chappelle walked out on the third season of his hit Comedy Central show last May, leaving fans and industry observers to question his motives and even his sanity.
He has said since that he didn’t feel he could be himself on the show.
“The bottom line was, white people own everything, and where can a black person go and be himself or say something that’s familiar to him and not have to explain or apologize?” he told Esquire magazine.
He has since returned to the standup circuit and released the documentary “Dave Chappelle ‘s Block Party.”
Jessica Simpson looks like a complete dork. That’s not saying that Dane Cook looks much better, but her outfit screams Donna Reed, no? He reminds me a bit of Chevy Chase… and she looks like she’s got a mouth full of [blank] in that second photo. Ok… I’m done now. [heh]
