TGIF! And to celebrate we have some of the funniest celebrity quotes this week. For starters, we’ve got Conan O’Brien, Sandra Bullock’s revenge and Channing Tatum’s penis!
“Meryl [Streep]’s gonna win, and I’m gonna take her down. When she walks up there, you’re gonna see my heel come off, and I’m gonna be like, ‘Whoo [mimics throwing]!’ This heel is gonna take Meryl Streep. She’s gonna feel no pain after I fling that at her.”
– Sandra Bullock, planning her defense tactics if she loses the Golden Globe for best actress in a comedy or musical film this Sunday, on Tavis Smiley
“I could…leave television altogether, and work in a classier business with better people, like hardcore porn.”
– Conan O’Brien, making light of his commitment to leave The Tonight Show if NBC moves it to a 12:05 a.m. timeslot to accommodate Jay Leno, during his nightly monologue
“I gained seven pounds of love weight.”
– Newlywed Khloe Kardashian, clarifying that she’s not pregnant, to “People”
“Now my penis is fantastic! One hundred percent recovered. Put me back in the game, Coach.”
– Channing Tatum, rejoicing after his privates made a full recovery following a scalding incident on the set of his upcoming film The Eagle of the Ninth, to “Details”
“After a breakup, a friend of mine Swarovski-crystalled my precious lady. It shined like a disco ball so I have a whole chapter in there on how women should vagazzle their vajayjays.”
– Jennifer Love Hewitt, giving a sneak preview of the advice offered in her new dating guide “The Day I Shot Cupid”, on “Lopez Tonight”
“I was telling him that last night, ‘If we ever broke up … the next guy is going to have a really hard time, because your body is so amazing!’”
– Kim Kardashian, speculating on who could follow in the very buff footsteps of current boyfriend, NFL star Reggie Bush, on the Dallas-based radio show Kidd Kraddick in the Morning
“What 15-year-old boy wouldn’t want girls chasing after them all day long?”
– Tween sensation Justin Bieber, enjoying his new heartthrob status, to “People”
“I’ll take the stretch marks. I’ll take the sagging boobs. I’ll take the cellulite I can never get rid of.”
– Jessica Alba, taking the bad with the good for the miracle of pregnancy, to “Self”
“I know music. I know entertainment. I know eyeliner.”
– Idol runner-up Adam Lambert, on “Fuse TV”
“I am like Mariah Carey f—-d up right now.”
– George Clooney, referencing the singer’s tipsy award show speech as he took to the podium at the New York Film Critics Circle Awards
For today’s top celebrity quotes of the week, we definitely have some goodies for you. Today, we’ve got Jon Cryer talking about Charlie Sheen, Snooki talking about how she would change the world and Kendra Wilkinson talking about having sex again.
“I got Rob [Pattinson] to sign a copy of GQ: ‘To George, Best of Luck. Hang in there. Love, Rob.’I gave it to George [Clooney] and George signed his Esquire back to him: ‘Dear Rob, Thanks for all the inspiration. I’m a huge fan. Love, George, two-time Sexiest Man Alive.’”
– Anna Kendrick, on the friendly banter she encouraged between her two witty costars while simultaneously shooting “Twilight” and “Up in the Air”, on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show”
“2 more wks til i get to hit it hard at the gym..and sex of course(IUD) ;D lol. yayy.”
– New mom Kendra Wilkinson, sharing her post-pregnancy plans, on Twitter
“I have certain girlfriends who I just think are the most angelic, beautiful creatures. And if any of my boyfriends ever fail me, I’ll turn to them!”
– Recently engaged Katy Perry, revealing her romance backup plan, to “Glamour”
“I would put tanning beds in everybody’s homes and I would eliminate the Bumpit because I don’t use the Bumpit. I tease.”
– Jersey Shore’s breakout star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, on how she would change the world, during her virtual visit to “The Jay Leno Show”
“Think anything is going to make YouTube tonight?”
– Sean Penn, following Mariah Carey’s rambling acceptance speech at the Palm Springs International Film Festival
“When the Oscars were on, I had just given birth…I was sitting there with my twins – I couldn’t have been happier – but I was like, ‘How dope would it have been if I would’ve won the Oscar and been here in my hospital bed accepting the award? Thank you so much! I just want to thank the academy!’”
– Jennifer Lopez, imagining her Academy Award moment for her 2008 film “El Cantante”, to “Latina” magazine
“My job isn’t to tell your kids how to act or not to act…Your kids are going to make mistakes whether I do or not.”
– Miley Cyrus, clarifying that she’s a role model, not a parent, to “Harper’s Bazaar”
“Thankfully a good script can get everybody through awkward moments.”
– Jon Cryer, on returning to work with his embattled costar Charlie Sheen on the TV comedy “Two and a Half Men”
“Everyone get ready for more (but positive-LOHAN MAYHEM!!!!!!!!)”
– Lindsay Lohan, tweeting her New Year’s resolution to make it a drama-free year
“I will not be wearing a bikini for you.”
– Jenny Craig’s newest spokesperson Jason Alexander, drawing the line at shedding pounds not clothes after joining Valerie Bertinelli in the weight-loss program
And there you have it! What was your favorite quote of the week?
With Christmas looming ahead, we’ve got the best of the best in celebrity quotes for this week! Included this week are quotes from Snoop Dogg, Nicole Richie, and Miss Piggy.
“We got sick and tired of hearing that lady tell us, ‘Turn left! Turn Right!’”
– Snoop Dogg, on lending his voice to TomTom GPS car navigation systems, on the Wendy Williams Show
“For about the next 15 minutes I couldn’t even hear anything anybody was saying to me ’cause all I could think was, ‘Well I’ve made a terrible mistake. Can you put it back on?’”
– Sarah Jessica Parker, questioning her decision to remove her “signature” mole after being confronted by a fan, on the Late Show with David Letterman
“I certainly want a name that I can pronounce!”
– Tom Brady, on the one caveat to giving his still-unnamed week-and-half-old son a Brazilian name to honor his wife Gisele Bündchen’s heritage, in an interview on WEEI Sports Radio
“Ho, ho, ho! Somebody’s going to have a good night tonight.”
– Golden Globe Award nominees announcer Justin Timberlake, joking to fellow announcer John Krasinski after naming Krasinski’s fiancée Emily Blunt as a contender for best actress in a motion picture drama
“I was really into soap operas. I’d begin with Days of Our Lives, then Another World, and finish off with General Hospital. And before dinner I’d watch Oprah.”
– Rachel McAdams, admitting to being a TV junkie in high school, to Vogue
“I feel smarter already.”
– Nicole Richie, debuting her new brunette locks, at the launch of her holiday collection for her House of Harlow 1960 jewelry line
“Animals aren’t easy, but what’s annoying about children is that everyone loves them and I resent that. I only work with ugly children.”
– Hugh Grant, jokingly comparing working with animals versus toiling on set with kids, to People
“Two kids is good; three is fine. Four? Somebody’s getting something done, because we ain’t having five!”
– Carrie Underwood, on doing some family planning, to Self magazine
“It’s like having a really hot, you know, cousin and everybody talks about wanting to sleep with your cousin and you’re like dude, don’t say that to me.”
– Up In the Air and New Moon’sAnna Kendrick, on her lusted-after costars George Clooney and Rob Pattinson, on The View
“My Kermie is nothing like [Tiger]. I just want to say, he would never do anything untoward moi, but, if he did, you can rest assured there’d be a hole in one, and he’d be the one!”
– Miss Piggy, chiming in on the Tiger Woods scandal during a sit-down on The Wendy Williams Show
TGIF! This week’s celebrity news brought us some pretty funny quotes. We’ve got Nick Jonas commenting on his murse, David Letterman taking a jab at Tiger Woods and himself, along with Russell Brand and his womanizing ways.
“I’m not going to lie about it. I carry a satchel too. It’s like a man purse. It’s a whole thing.”
– Nick Jonas, admitting that he also gets pedicures, on It’s On with Alexa Chung
“I wish he would stop calling me for advice.”
– Recent tabloid headliner David Letterman, taking a jab at his replacement, Tiger Woods, on his late show
“He knows every song, every word, every step, and he wants to wear all the costumes.”
– Madonna, sharing her son David Banda’s admiration for Mom’s music with the British morning show GMTV
“But what can you do with George Clooney? George Clooney is one of the most handsome, best actors in the world and is nice to everyone. It’s like going at Mother Teresa.”
– Ricky Gervais, on promising not to target notorious jokester and charitable actor George Clooney as host of this year’s Golden Globes, to People
“There’s been way higher mountains than you in my past.”
– The 5 ft. 4 in. Seth Green, to the 5 ft. 11 in. Wendy Williams, on dating taller women
“He told me I looked good, but I’d look better if I had a personal trainer.”
– Colin Firth, crediting his trimmer physique to Single Man director Tom Ford, to The New York Times
“I told him he was fat.”
– Tom Ford, recalling a slightly different conversation with Firth, to the NYT
“Anytime there is Mexican food around, you can bet I’ll be eating it,”
– Eva Longoria Parker, revealing her food vice, to People
“You try to pretend like you’re paying attention to your family, but in the meantime, you’re like “Grandma, can you pass the gravy? I’M OPEN!”
– Ray Romano, on the challenges of watching football during holiday meals, on Live! With Regis and Kelly
“The girls with the bigger…”
– Modern Family’sSofía Vergara, giving a new perspective on the age old question of whether blondes or brunettes have more fun, on Rachael Ray
“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough – to get the right one.”
– Russell Brand, on dating his way to current girlfriend Katy Perry to British morning show GMTV
TGIF! And what better way to celebrate the end of a long week than to check out our Top Ten Celebrity Quotes! We’ve got some special goodies served up by Mila Kunis, Paris Hilton, and Rihanna.
“[Tabitha and Marion] just turned four months old today! One would prefer to be held 24 hours a day, and the other is already suffering from type A issues.”
– Sarah Jessica Parker, identifying her twin daughters’ emerging personalities, to “Glamour”
“If you don’t send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel bad for him.”
– Rihanna, revealing that the nude pictures leaked of her in May were a gift for her ex Chris Brown, to New York City radio station Hot 97
“That was a sideswipe on the cheek…And I remember one of the headlines the next day said, MAKEOUT SESSION. What is wrong with people?”
– Kate Hudson, downplaying any PDA with boyfriend Alex Rodriguez, to “Harper’s Bazaar”
“I get out when my voice starts to hurt.”
– Glee’s Cory Monteith, on singing in the shower, to “People”
“The last thing a young woman needs is another picture of a sexy pop star writhing in sand, covered in grease, touching herself.”
– Lady Gaga, defending the lack of sexuality on her album covers, to “Elle”
“It wouldn’t be that hard for me to play him because I see a lot of Ron Burgundy in Simon Cowell…I could play Simon, but to be honest Simon could play Ron. They are like long-lost twin brothers separated at birth.”
– Will Ferrell, explaining how he could easily play the role of American Idol’s harshest judge because of his role in “Anchorman”, to “The Sun”
“She’s a nerd’s idea of heaven.”
– Mila Kunis, summing up Natalie Portman’s hotness, to “Blackbook”
“When I bake something, I swear to god, it’s gone before it hits the plate.”
– Kimora Lee, staking her claim as a domestic diva, to “Page Six Magazine”
“I still am a tomboy. I love to go fishing. I love sports. I used to play ice hockey. You know, I think people only see the glamour and the parties, but when I’m at home I’m completely different.”
– Paris Hilton, exposing her inner athlete to “People”
“Not only is my performance raw in this film, but through most of the film I am naked from the waist down. So not only am I raw, I’m chafed.”
– George Clooney, telling “People” that he agrees with Up In the Air director Jason Reitman’s statement that this was the actor’s most raw performance ever
George Clooney always picks out hot girls to be his new beard girlfriend for the year or so, this time he has chosen Elisabetta Canalis.
Elisabetta, 30, is an Italian model and actress, she also does some presenting. As of May 2009 she is a co-host on the Italian version of MTV’s Total Request Live. She will turn 31 on September 12.
Other than that I have nothing really to say about her or George Clooney, so lets get to the goods…. topless pictures of Elisabetta Canalis.
