Spike have come up with a list of 10 actresses who they believe need to retire from the movie business, take a look and see what you think….
10. Nicole Kidman
Kidman was one of the sexiest actresses around for a long, long time – she’s kept her shiny gloss for nigh on twenty years now. And she’s probably aged better than anyone else on this list, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t gone past her “Use By” date. Her face has begun to look like an evil bubble, those beady little eyes bearing down on whomever dares draw near.
It’s easy to see why Tom Cruise would have grown tired of this uptight Aussie getting up in his grill every night. And after the bomb that was Australia, I think it’s clear that audiences are not drawn to her in droves anymore (were they ever?). Kidman works best now as a villain or a mom. She and Keith Urban deserve each other.
9. Teri Hatcher
Teri Hatcher first came to our attention in Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman and a classic episode of Seinfeld in the mid-’90s. And she was pretty darn hot. Skinny, large-breasted, big eyes, and an even bigger smile…there really wasn’t much not to like about her. Sure, her acting chops were never anything to write home about, but dang if she didn’t know how to stand around and look pretty.
Oh, how times change. Though she continues her television work in Desperate Housewives, her days of hotness have most definitely come to an end. She got the skinny thing down, but then she kept getting skinnier. And skinnier, and skinnier, and skinnier, until we couldn’t even remember what it was we liked about her so much to begin with. She now looks like a scary mix between Michael Jackson and the mummy of King Tut. This is not what we want to be looking at having affairs with the pool boy and the next door neighbor.
Someone get this woman a cheeseburger on the double.
8, Drew Barrymore
Okay, let’s be honest: Drew Barrymore was never really all that hot. In fact, hot was never the appropriate adjective for her. She was cute as a little kid in E.T. and sometimes adorable in her twenties, and now…well, now she’s just another talking chubby face attached to a chubby body that should know better than to be projected on a giant movie screen.
The tragedy is that at 34, Barrymore doesn’t even come close to being old. But there are only so many romantic comedies she can foul up with that Batman chin of hers and that I’m-so-adorable-and-don’t-even-know-it voice that shreds your ears like a cheese grater. Enough is enough. Someone do the right thing and get this woman in the plus-size section of a JCPenney catalogue, stat!
7, Helen Hunt
Helen Hunt was actually aging very gracefully for a while; she was lovelier with each successive film she starred in. The movies she chose weren’t always winners (What Women Want, Pay It Forward) but hell if she didn’t look good acting in them. In Castaway you really feel bad for Tom Hanks because of how bad fate screwed him over – he lost a damn fine woman!
And then along came anorexia. In the last film she starred in, Then She Found Me (also her directorial debut) she looked like an emaciated victim of malnutrition on the brink of death. The movie should have been called Then She Found My Skeleton Walking Around and Talking. Because that’s what it looked like was going on: a corpse had been reanimated and given some heartfelt lines to say. It was more than a bit frightening, and somewhat perplexing, that someone so intelligent would buy into the unattractive Hollywood fad of self-starvation.
6. Renee Zellweger
Renee Zellweger has always walked the fine line between cute and hot, and usually fell on the side of cute. But these days she doesn’t fit in either. Her squinty-eyed circle of a face often seems like a pumpkin that’s been ham-handedly carved into a woman, and it’s not something most people care to spend too much time looking at.
It doesn’t help that she’s continually starring in stupid movies, or movies that she doesn’t really belong in. Leatherheads, Appaloosa, New in Town…none of these movies have done well and it doesn’t seem like an accident that she’s been the female lead in all three of them.
There was once a time when Zellweger’s cutesy, girl-next-door qualities were called for. And then the credits rolled at the end of Jerry Maguire.
5. Lindsay Lohan
That’s right. At the tender age of 23, Lohan has already worn out her welcome with moviegoers. Jack Nicholson has publicly declared that he’ll never act in a movie she’s in – Jack Nicholson! I mean, come on, you know it’s bad when one of the original bad boys has had enough of your shenanigans.
If it’s not one thing it’s another. Lohan is either flashing her vagina or doing another stint in rehab or banging up her brand new zillion dollar car…it just never ends. And that’s fine. This is America, she’s free to come out of the closet and jump back in and burst back out, and do it all while high on cocaine and driving to her next session of rehab without any underwear on. That’s cool, it’s her prerogative. Free country.
But we don’t want to have to pay 10 to 15 bucks to look at this tore up ho no mo’. Somebody get her a sitcom or a long session of electroshock therapy, just get her the hell out of the movies. Please.
4. Sarah Jessica Parker
Some of you cynics out there are saying, “Come on, Sarah Jessica Parker? Was she ever pretty?” To which I have a very simple answer: the 1980s. Girl was halfway decent. Twenty years ago.
But, in all seriousness, she had some game back when she did Girls Just Want to Have Fun (don’t pretend like you haven’t seen it), Flight of the Navigator, and Footloose. In other words, back before she became HBO’s reining queen of materialistic shallowness. And she’s actually done some fine acting in recent films like The Family Stone and Smart People.
Nonetheless, her expiration date has long since passed, and at this point it’s hard not to make comparisons to Mr. Ed and Henry Kissinger whenever we see her prance across the small and large screens all dolled up like Cinderella, marketing some crappy movie or makeup. We’ve had enough.
Girls might just want to have fun, but guys just want to have movie stars to look at who don’t make their retinas puke. Is that really so much to ask for?
3, Meg Ryan
For a while it was looking like Meg Ryan was going to be able to scrunch up her nose and melt the hearts of America for the rest of eternity. She proved that just because you starred in one hit romantic comedy with Tom Hanks didn’t mean you couldn’t make the exact same movie all over again five years later and have it become just as big a hit. For that we have her to thank.
But time has finally caught up with Ryan and it is not a pretty sight. She’s begun to look like Mickey Rourke’s twin sister, her face all puffed up and de-wrinkled from Botox. We would probably feel kind of sad about it all if we weren’t so damn sick of her. Can anyone remember the last time they saw her in a movie that didn’t annoy the living crap out of them? Anyone? Anyone?
Me neither.
2. Cameron Diaz
There were a solid six years when Cameron Diaz charmed our pants off. From her grand entrance in The Mask to Charlie’s Angels, she was looking pretty fine. Her million dollar smile, her blonde locks, and her effervescent energy combined to give us a classic American babe. Now we look forward to her work in Shrek 4 because we won’t have to look at her.
Along the way Diaz has kept her airheaded personality, but she doesn’t really look the part anymore. Her face looks like a worn-in baseball glove when she smiles and she appears tired and ill-kempt when she isn’t wearing five pounds of makeup. Must the studios keep foisting her upon us as the “Hot Girl” when we’ve got the likes of Megan Fox and Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt to pick from?
1. Julia Roberts
You have to hand it to her, Julia Roberts was America’s Sweetheart for a real long stretch. She really hung in there, and she definitely had her share of detractors along the way. But she always kept her head up and moved past whatever personal scandal or cinematic failure cropped up. She was a one-of-a-kind movie star, and she pretty reliably brought in the box office.
Somewhere along the way things changed and she wasn’t quite as ravishing as she once was. She hasn’t aged as terribly as some of the ladies on this list, but she’s certainly begun to display the ravages of time. Between Ocean’s Eleven and Ocean’s Twelve the numbers started to show. By the time she appeared in Charlie Wilson’s War her eye sockets appeared to be empty caves from which two orbs of desperation peered into the abyss.
It’s quite possible that Roberts will continue to dazzle and amaze us for many more years, and she might even hold onto the title of America’s Sweetheart for longer still. But people have already begun to show less interest in her films and the studios will soon realize they can’t bank upon her appeal to men and women alike any longer: her throne is in danger.
Queen Elizabeth the first was praised as the beautiful Virgin Queen until the day of her death at age sixty nine. But none of her subjects truly believed there was a hottie underneath all those layers of white make up and frilly dresses. They just kind of got used to the title.
I agree with them all except for Drew Barrymore, thoughts?
source: The Top 10 Actresses Past Their Expiration Date [Spike]
I’m starting to wonder if Julia Roberts even ages, she seems to look exactly like she did twenty years ago which you can see in these pictures from last night, anyway that isn’t the point of this post.
She said, “alright well, it’s late and I’m paying my babysitter overtime and I have to pee, so Tom, everybody fucking likes you. All my bits are gone. Listen, I had lunch today with Rita [Wilson, Hanks' wife], and her tits were here [motioned high] and her waist was here [motioned small] and her ass was like that [motioned high], so what can I tell you that’s new? Tom Hanks, what the fuck?”
She then went on to speak about his movie career saying “I love the Cohen brothers, but the hair Tom [in Ladykillers], I didn’t even know what the fuck that movie was about! You in the airport with the accent (Terminal), It was a pass for me. Airport? Were you just an immigrant lost? I didn’t know. I love you, and I didn’t know what to do, really. God, I’m wearing the same fucking dress tonight as your publicist! Listen, I’ve got to get home. But this much we know … I will say this: Tom Hanks, I love you.”
Before running of the stage she then added “it’s so dark out there, I feel like I’m in space, thank you, whoever just made it light. J.J. Abrams, are you here?”
I love Julia Roberts, always have and always will, I especially love her when she’s like this – I love a woman who isn’t afraid to say fuck.
Angelina Jolie didn’t win any awards for her role in Changeling but at least she is still winning stuff on sex lists right?
According to a new poll by online dating websites Date.com, Matchmaker.com and Amor.com people were asked which celebrity would they give their partner a sex pass to sleep with.
The usual people are included on the list like Angelina, Jennifer Aniston, Halle Berry, Johnny Depp, George Clooney and Brad Pitt.
Shira Zwebner, who works for Date.com said “this poll is the complete opposite of an indecent proposal. In fact, most men and women wouldn’t just grant their significant others permission to go for it with their celebrity of choice – they’d brag about it all over town, Johnny Depp’s appeal is more than just physical attraction, he is the complete package, and women envision that one night of passion with this Pirate will leave them more than just sexually satisfied. Angelina Jolie, meanwhile, tops this list because both men and women worldwide have crushes on her and – if she ever invited someone other than Brad Pitt into her bed – not even the most committed couple would walk away from that opportunity.”
Here is the list of women that men could sleep with:
Angelina Jolie 25.9% Jennifer Aniston 24.1% Halle Berry 23.8% Penelope Cruz 22.4% Eva Mendes 20.7% Nicole Kidman 20.7% Sandra Bullock 19.0% Jennifer Garner 18.9% Lucy Liu 17.2% Reese Witherspoon 17.2% Demi Moore 16.7% Julia Roberts 15.5% Kate Winslet 15.3% Kiera Knightly 12.1% Scarlett Johansson 11.8% Natalie Portman 8.6% Katherine Hiegl 6.9%
As for who the women can sleep with:
Johnny Depp 32.2% George Clooney 29.0% Will Smith 28.4% Brad Pitt 25.8% Matthew McConaughey 25.8% Hugh Jackman 19.4% Sean Connery 16.1% Patrick Dempsey 12.9% Tom Cruise 12.9% Justin Timberlake 11.5% Bruce Willis 9.7% Howard Stern 8.4% Robert Pattinson 6.5% Jake Gyllenhaal 6.5% Gerard Butler 3.2%
[Click thumbnails for a larger view]
Who would you let your significant other have sex with?
Nicolas Cage’s new movie, “Knowing” really took off this weekend with the box office gold at a $24,814,000 take this weekend. While it’s not the best showing, it knocked “Race To Witch Mountain” out of the top spot.
Coming in second place was the movie that I thought would take the top rankings in the charts, “I Love You, Man“. The Paul Rudd/Jason Segel comedy, brought in $18,005,000 in the second spot.
Taking third place this weekend was Julia Roberts’ and Clive Owen’s “Duplicity” with $14,402,000 in ticket sales. In fourth place on the charts was “Race To Witch Mountain“, which brought in $13,004,000 in it’s second week. “Watchmen” brought in $6,725,000 in it’s third week.
The movie is about a professor who stumbles on terrifying predictions about the future from a time capsule that’s been in the ground for fifty years, and sets out to prevent the events from happening.
Parade magazine have come up with a list of 10 actors, who they believe are America’s Favorite Stars, the list features the usual people you would expect:
#1 Will Smith
Will Smith seems to glide from success to success without much effort. He’s a big presence. When he walks into a room, you know he’s there. In addition to hits like Ali, Men in Black, and Hancock, he cares about family and affecting the future.
Committed to the charity Malaria No More, he has traveled to Africa with his family to witness the devastation the disease can cause. “I think a large part of why I’ve been successful is that I have, essentially, a white-collar career with a blue-collar mentality,” he says. “I can never really relax. I’m always waiting to see what’s next. It’s always, ‘OK, something different is gonna happen here.’”
Next month he stars in the drama Seven Pounds. “I believe that the guy who works the hardest generally wins,” Will says. “ Nelson Mandela once told me that when he was in prison, he was able to watch one American film every six months. He said our films are about hope and what the world should be. He told me to keep doing exactly what I’m doing, because there’s a struggle somewhere that I’m helping. I got really inspired by that.”
#2 Tom Hanks
Tom Hanks is so likable, we’d follow him to the moon. In fact, we already did in Apollo 13. Forrest Gump, Philadelphia, Saving Private Ryan, and Big are other Hanks movies you watch over and over on DVD. “To me, this isn’t work—to go off and pretend to be somebody else,” he says.
“I couldn’t believe when they paid me $285 a week to act, much less the raises I’ve received since. I shouldn’t be called the nicest guy in Hollywood. I should be called the luckiest guy, because I still can’t believe it.”
#3 Reese Witherspoon
Some people bully their way to success. Reese Witherspoon rose to the top with “please” and “thank you,” the hint of a Southern drawl, and a winning smile. Legally Blonde put her on the map; Walk the Line won her an Oscar.
Now she’s a mom of two and a successful producer. “I try to be that person who can look in the mirror and be OK with myself,” she says. “I feel a certain responsibility to represent women who pay the bills, take care of the children, and try to have a fulfilling life themselves. I constantly feel like I’m striving to do better.”
#4 George Clooney
Clooney can kid about himself better than anybody. He’ll joke about turning Dr. Ross on ER into everybody’s fantasy guy. He’ll joke about wearing the Batsuit. But he does take some things very seriously. He’s passionately committed to bringing attention to the tragedy in Darfur. He’s determined to make worthy films like Good Night, and Good Luck and Syriana, as well as blockbusters.
Says Clooney: “My father has always inspired me. He said, ‘Don’t wake up at 65 and think about what you should have done.’ The great lesson is that you get a sort of credit card for being famous, and I’ve thought a lot about spending it in the right instances, for people and causes I can help.”
#5 Meryl Streep
She has an uncanny ability to transform herself into every character she plays, from a tragic heroine in Sophie’s Choice to the silly star of Mamma Mia! And she always seems to be enjoying herself—and embracing life. “Anybody who picks acting as a profession is bathed in insecurity,” she says.
“Even when you’re young, you think you’re not beautiful enough or you’ll never work again or ‘ I don’t know what I’m doing.’ I’ve had those feelings. People gave me a lot of confidence early on and encouragement to keep going. Each project I take is different—it intrigues me or makes me angry or tickles me in a new way.”
#6 Brad Pitt
Brad’s striking looks and love life make headlines, but he’s also a good guy, more down-to-earth than seems possible. He picks challenging movie roles like Babel or Fight Club. Next: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
“You need a game plan,” he says. “You either succeed because people want you to or you stay around because you make them let you. I try to stay dedicated to my work. If I were to dwell on any of the fame and celebrity stuff, I’d make decisions for the wrong reasons. I look at my kids and realize that they will inherit this world. So, if you’re going to throw your weight around, use it to make the world a little bit better.”
#7 Julia Roberts
The star of Pretty Woman has a megawatt smile that still works its charm. Onscreen, she can be one of the guys (see her with Clooney and Pitt in the Ocean’s movies) or a sassy fighter (Erin Brockovich). Offscreen, she’s a mom who took time off to raise her babies.
“Mustering up enough self-esteem to say, ‘I want to be an actor,’ was a big turning point,” she says. “I also said, ‘I can’t wait to be a mom.’ No five-year plan for me—I’m on the five-minute plan. I enjoy my life. You can’t be joyfully participating in the day if you’re thinking too much down the road.”
#8 Johnny Depp
What a grand joke that Johnny Depp—the handsome rebel of Edward Scissorhands and Sweeney Todd—is now known for his riotous, rum-soaked (and moneymaking) Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean.
The dad of two says: “My kids opened my eyes. I feel as though some great fog was lifted. Now I do what I want, without compromise, and try to maintain dignity and integrity. People like to think I’m a brooding, angry, rebellious guy. I’m not any of that. I’m not trying to be anything other than what I am.”
#9 Jennifer Aniston
Aniston has a way with a comic line that makes America want to hug her, take care of her—and look just like her. We’ll always think of her as Rachel, the favorite pal on Friends. Jennifer often is called today’s Mary Tyler Moore, because she shares the same endearing style.
“I was always the class clown with a lot of ideas,” she says. “I didn’t map out my life, and I still don’t. Can’t you tell? I consider myself a spiritual person. I sometimes feel like I am guided. I trust in life, I really do. I get asked all the time, ‘What’s next?’ and the fun is that I’m wondering too!”
#10 Patrick Dempsey
In addition to playing Dr. McDreamy on the TV hit Grey’s Anatomy, Dempsey is the romantic hero in movies like Enchanted and Made of Honor.
“I’ve just about achieved some perspective on everything that’s happened,” he says. “I’ve worked hard to get to this point, so I don’t worry that ‘I don’t deserve this.’ I’m grateful for every opportunity. I just want to do it right.”
Presenting The 25 Funniest People in America. From Conan O’Brien to Stephen Colbert, Tina Fey to Craig Ferguson, let’s count down the names of the entertainers who make us laugh the hardest.
25. AUGUSTEN BURROUGHS
Burroughs’ best-selling memoir Running with Scissors — about being raised by a nutso shrink who studies his poo and rents the back shed to a pedophile — is unbelievably disturbing. And sidesplitting. At first we felt guilty giggling at his adventures with an electroshock therapy machine, but Burroughs knows that laughter is the best antidepressant. Much better than booze, which the author struggles to kick in his equally effervescent follow-up, Dry.
24. CATHERINE O’HARA
After her run on SCTV in the late ’70s, Hollywood didn’t know what to do with O’Hara. Fortunately, Christopher Guest did. In Waiting for Guffman, she and Fred Willard are tracksuit-wearing answers to Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire; in Best in Show, she’s a onetime floozy with a prize terrier and a torrid past; and in A Mighty Wind, O’Hara shows off a subtler comic touch, proving that humor doesn’t always mean a pie in the face.
23. SARAH SILVERMAN
The Lenny Bruce of the 21st century might be this hot, foul-mouthed, button-punching stand-up. Silverman is ruthlessly funny about topics like sex, the Holocaust, and 9/11, which may be why The Sarah Silverman Program has a permanent slot on our DVR. Oh, and if you hadn’t heard, she’s f—ing Matt Damon.
22. DAVE CHAPPELLE
The fact that Diamond Dave is all but absent from the comedic stage these days doesn’t invalidate his funny. After all, Chappelle’s revered Comedy Central show — on which the wiry comic gleefully engaged in crass T&A humor, swore like a sailor, and mocked everyone in the multiculti rainbow, confronting race in a way that is positively Pryor-esque — is still the best sketch comedy this country has seen in more than a decade. For that alone, he deserves a spot on any list like this.
21. DEMETRI MARTIN
You know what’s funny? Palindromes and anagrams. ”Shut up, Grandma,” you say, but we say shut up yourself and watch Demetri Martin work a stand-up mic. ”A drunk driver’s very dangerous. Everybody knows that. But so is a drunk backseat driver — if he’s persuasive.” The floppy-haired heir to Steven Wright won a prestigious award at last year’s Edinburgh Festival Fringe, taking him from the comedy underground to…the comedy slightly less underground.
20. DIABLO CODY
Not to be partial, but the newly minted Oscar winner showed off her comedic — and emotional — chops with her debut screenplay for Juno. Did we mention it won an Oscar?
19. CRAIG FERGUSON
Late night is the province of the mono-name. Jay! Dave! Conan! Then there’s that Scottish guy, two-name ID required: Craig Ferguson. You know, the one who can’t quite be pinned down. Since taking over CBS’ Late Late Show from Craig Kilborn in 2005, Ferguson has brought a fresh burst of energy to the format. He’s reinvented the opening monologue, doing away with most of the topical jokes and just ad-libbing about his life. Along with fresh energy, he’s brought something else — ratings. Ferguson, 45 and a brand-spanking-new U.S. Citizen, doesn’t get as much media attention as time-slot competitors Jimmy Kimmel or Conan, but with an audience of just under 2 million, the great Scot outperforms the former and has climbed within 500,000 viewers of the latter.
18. JACK BLACK
Black is an entirely new classification of human: the frenetic slacker. Before his turn as doofus band reject/inspirational teacher Dewey Finn in School of Rock, he was the Ritalin-deprived half of Tenacious D (along with his partner, Kyle Gass) and the list-obsessed record-shop shlub in High Fidelity. He is, inarguably, the coolest fusion of music and comedy since Spinal Tap. (And, if Tropic Thunder is as good as we’ve been led to believe, we’ll forgive him that whole Nacho Libre business.)
17. DAVID LETTERMAN
With a receding hairline and a jogger’s grim jowls, Dave is no one’s idea of a hip comic, and he likes it that way. New-school gone old-school, the upstart who first pumped irony into the talk show still rails against the stupidity of the powerful and yet has the charm to melt Julia Roberts.
16. AMY SEDARIS AND DAVID SEDARIS
Big brother is the best-selling author of the sublime autobiographical essay collections Me Talk Pretty One Day and Naked, full of terrific riffs about stuff like his cuckoo-clock North Carolina clan and his midget guitar teacher. Little sis was the rubber-faced star of Comedy Central’s truly strange Strangers With Candy, as well as coauthor of the book Wigfield.
15. WILL FERRELL
See, there’s this man-child who latches onto Will Ferrell in most every role he plays — and good luck getting the little guy to let go. As a result, we are treated to inspired displays of dolt-trapped-in-the-headlights hijinks, be it in the form of Old School’s keghead Frank the Tank (who goes from repressed to regressed to undressed) or Talladega Nights’ Ricky Bobby, the dumbest, most earnest NASCAR driver on the circuit — who’s also the most comfortable with his sexuality.
14. RICKY GERVAIS
Okay, so he doesn’t spend all that much of his time in America. We don’t care. Whether as the creator of The Office and Extras, a supporting actor in movies like For Your Consideration or Night at the Museum, or doing killer stand-up (as seen most recently in Grand Theft Auto IV), he’s still as funny as the dog’s bollocks.
13. ELLEN DEGENERES
DeGeneres, whose career seemed all but kaput a few years ago, has earned back adoration simply by being her affably dry self on the Emmy-winning The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Whether it’s her circuitous monologues, her deadpan celebrity interviews, or that vocal turn as Dory in Finding Nemo, she remains one of the cleanest, coolest funny ladies around.
12. DAVID CROSS
All conversations about his genius start here: Along with Bob Odenkirk, he created the cunning HBO sketch series Mr. Show, which routinely put SNL to silly shame. And not only does Cross work little miracles in supporting roles (remember his role as feckless freak-job Tobias on Fox’s Arrested Development?), he can drop some pretty fearsome stand-up (who else talks about being raped by the Virgin Mary?). Simply put, this dude never kowtows for his funny.
11. CONAN O’BRIEN
Smarty-pants isn’t usually a compliment, but O’Brien wears them so well. When this Harvard geek isn’t riffing on Muammar Gaddafi in his monologue, he’s making absurd innovations in low-brow comedy. Now, let’s see if those absurd innovations will play on The Tonight Show….
The Saturday Night Live scene-stealer has found her stride in her third season, thanks to breakout characters like the Target clerk and the obsessively competitive Penelope, as well as spot-on impressions of Jamie Lee Curtis and Suze Orman.
9. LARRY DAVID
Because he’s a balding, neurotic, self-consumed, multimillionaire malcontent who reacts to most social interactions as if he just took a whiff of some really bad cheese. Because the only thing he hates more than these situations is himself. Because he’s the most hilariously doomed white-guy antihero we’ve ever seen, and has no problems taking on every sacred cow. Because we have no idea how much of this Larry David — from the HBO comedy Curb Your Enthusiasm — is swiped from the real Larry David. And because both Larry Davids co-created one of the best comedies ever, Seinfeld.
8. AMY POEHLER AND WILL ARNETT
The funniest married couple on the list. (Sorry, Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann.) When they’re apart (she, on Saturday Night Live and in Baby Mama; he, late of Arrested Development and currently guesting on 30 Rock), they’re great. But when they’re together, as when they played brother-and sister figure skaters in Blades of Glory, they’re resplendent. So let’s get those crazy kids together more often, shall we?
7. MATT STONE AND TREY PARKER
Now in their eleventh season of South Park, these potty mouths with a purpose continue to remind us what full creative control gets you: moments so wrong, they’re right (Ben Affleck falling in love with Cartman’s hand comes to mind). Added bonus: The ninth season episode, ”Trapped in the Closet” contains the most sober explanation of the background of Scientology you’ll ever hear.
6. CHRIS ROCK
Television failed him (Saturday Night Live didn’t know what to do with his bright-bulb humor, and his HBO talk show couldn’t contain him). The movies didn’t get him (though this is as much Rock’s fault as anyone’s, given he wrote and directed his most recent starring vehicles, the underperforming Head of State and I Think I Love My Wife). But on the stage, Rock is a man on a mission, mercilessly tackling race, religion, money, and relationships. And his missionaries are legion.
5. STEVE CARELL
Sometimes, it hurts so good. The pain, the discomfort, the agony of watching Carell’s Michael Scott work himself into another awkward scenario on NBC’s The Office…and almost work himself out. And the fact that we don’t hate Michael — on the contrary, we feel a warm, chocolatey pity for him — is a testament to Carell, who leavens the bald incompetence with wide-eyed awe.
4. JON STEWART AND THE ‘DAILY SHOW’ TEAM
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is the most consistent laugh machine on TV — and the only news source for scores of cynics and slackers. It’s not often that a comedy show can tackle politics, embrace a cogent point of view, and still maintain its anarchic spark. The scribes at The Daily Show pull it off four nights a week. As the heart and soul of the show, Stewart is evenhanded but never meek; as an interviewer, he can make his guests comfortable even as he’s taking them apart. Then there’s his gang of ”correspondents,” who soldier straight-facedly into the great American absurd and take no prisoners. Empirically speaking, there’s nothing funny about what’s going on in the world right now. Yet here we are each week, chortling.
3. TINA FEY
It takes a certain self-confidence to play a woman who accidentally dates her third cousin, erroneously assumes her neighbor is a terrorist, and gets called the C-word by a colleague (especially when said character is based on you). ”I love going to those uncomfortable places,” says Fey, who stars as 30 Rock’s workaholic TV maven and is also the NBC show’s creator and exec producer. ”I’ll go down any weird avenue.” Maybe this year’s surprise Emmy win for best comedy will empower Fey to pursue some dreams for her alter ego. ”Liz Lemon could do an international adoption for a Russian baby and get the paperwork wrong with the European dates and somehow end up with a huge, muscular 13-year-old. Yeah, I could see that.” Hopefully we will too.
2. STEPHEN COLBERT AND THE ‘COLBERT REPORT’ TEAM
The once (and, we’re sure, future) presidential nominee, author, and dedicated windbag also happens to be one of the smartest satirists working today. Heck, if all the dude had on his resume was the legendary 2006 White House Correspondents Dinner, he’d go down in comedy history. But week-in and week-out, Colbert takes aim at the political-industrial complex — and I don’t care if there’s no such term — and spins the facts into truth. Or truthiness. Whichever’s easier.
1. THE JUDD APATOW POSSE
Can you even remember what movie comedy looked like before writer-director-producer Judd Apatow and his ever-expanding comedy clan (including Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann, Jonah Hill, and Paul Rudd) came along last summer with two stiff shots of cathartic humor — the oops-she’s-preggers romp Knocked Up and the high school raunchfest Superbad? Today, when studio execs have a comedy that feels flat or formulaic, the call goes out to ”Judd it up” — sweet irony for a man once best known for critically beloved flops like TV’s Freaks and Geeks. ”It was always my dream to become a verb,” Apatow deadpans. ”That’s what I wrote in my high school yearbook.”
Hayden Panettiere would rather stay home than get mobbed by fans.
Heroes actress Hayden Panettiere has confessed becoming a mega-star has turned her into a virtual recluse.
‘I don’t ever go out,’ she says, of her life in Hollywood, where she drives everywhere to avoid being recognised on the street. ‘I stay at home. I go from garage to garage, and keep myself out of sight.’ The 18-year-old, who has been catapulted into the A-list since taking on the role of cheerleader Claire Bennet in the top-rated US drama, admits she finds being famous ‘a pain in the ass’.
‘I love where I live and that I have wonderful friends there and I love what I do, but it really has a major impact on your life. This business is very intrusive. People want to know what you’re doing every day, and it becomes less about your craft and your art, and your love for acting, than it is about when you put food in your mouth, or when you’re walking your dog.’
Hayden has been in the industry since she was a mere 11 months old, when her mother Lesley – a former soap actress – got her cast in the first of more than 50 adverts. Hayden herself starred in the US daytime soap One Life To Live from ages four to eight, and, now that Heroes has made her a Hollywood A-lister, her next move is to set the big screen alight, having just filmed Fireflies In The Garden with Julia Roberts.
And it seems the teenage star is in no danger of following the likes of Lindsay Lohan into being more famous for misdemeanours than movies – in fact, she is scathing of Hollywood stars who are more concerned with being celebrities than they are with being actors. ‘The interesting thing to me is, if you think about it, the glamour of Hollywood has been dimmed down by people that don’t necessarily love what they do or their craft,’ she says. ‘I think people who are mainly in the public eye and deal with this [attention], a lot of them like it and enjoy it. I don’t really enjoy going out, it’s a nightmare in my opinion.’
On That cheerleader’s body…
‘I don’t have a model’s body. I’m not obsessed like some girls who go crazy. I’m happy with what I’ve got, it suits me fine. I have a personal trainer or I’d never get my ass into the gym, I’d probably be asleep instead. I have to pass as a superhero and you have to be careful of those widescreen TVs, too.’
What she wants in a man
‘I like somebody who is confident and independent, and obviously it helps if they’re secure in themselves. Because sometimes in my job, I obviously have to make out with hot men, so a good sense of humour helps to deal with this!’
I’d dog her for whining about the down side of celebrity, or going on and on about her “craft,” because that kind of thing generally annoys the crap out of me. But she seems like a sweet girl, so I’ll let her off with a warning this time.
And, no, that photo of Hayden in a bikini really doesn’t have anything to do with the story. What’s your point?
Source: “Hayden Panettiere: Hollywood success has made me a recluse” [Sunday Mirror] via WeSmirch
Remember the days when Julia Roberts a happy-go-lucky hooker with a heart of gold? Yes, Pretty Woman. Those were the good days. Then she landed a few woman with a heart of gold movies and went all A-list snob on us.
Regardless of her current smug status she made turning tricks look like a Cinderella story. Nothing better than some hot chocolate and your favorite whore turned princess with amazing hair to take the sting out of your Sunday. Julia landed number one in a poll of Hollywood’s favorite hookers.
Jennifer Jason Leigh’s performance in Last Exit to Brooklyn followed in the silver position. Her cotton candy hair probably did her in. That and her whore name is Tralala.
Birthday present to Christian Slater in True Romance, Patricia Arquette, took third place. Equally bad hooker name…Alabama. Dermot Mulroney should have taken first place for having to share the screen with Debra Messing. He ended up in fourth place for The Wedding Date. Now in L.A. Confidential, Kim Basinger pulls a Veronica Lake and that alone earned her a fifth place in the poll and an Oscar.
Hooker Oscars are a dime a dozen these days. I think I have a couple being used as paper weights and paper towel holders.
Heroes actress Hayden Panettiere has confessed becoming a mega-star has turned her into a virtual recluse.
