Total Recall Remake in the Works

Dear Hollywood,

Please stop making remakes of classic movies. I understand that you are out of ideas and feel the need to make a fast buck from ignorant people, but couldn’t you just make a bunch more movies about twinkly pedophile vampires and shirtless wolfboys? The idiots of the world eat that shit up. Just leave our great movies the hell alone.

Ah, I see that you are doing a “contemporized adaptation” of Total Recall. Out of all of Philip K. Dick‘s stories, you chose to do one that has already been made. Cool.

Oh, and I see that you’re having Len Wiseman, the director of such amazing flicks as Underworld and Live Free or Die Hard, direct it. Where could this possibly go wrong? He can only make it better, I’m sure. This time around, the whore in the bar on Mars will have four tits!

Paul Verhoeven made the original into a fantastic film full of gratuitous violence and cheesy one-liners. He made a film where Sharon Stone was brutally shot and killed. These are moments that you can not recreate.

I, for one, will not be paying to see your terrible movie. However, I may pirate it so that I can rip it to pieces after watching the mess that it surely will be. I hope this remake tanks, just like I hope your goddamned remake of The Crow blows up in your faces.

Hollywood, I am dissapointed in you.

Sincerely,
Eric J

source: Len Wiseman to Direct ‘Total Recall’ Remake [Cinematical]