Late night talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel and his girlfriend of five years, comedienne Sarah Silverman, are no longer “F***ing”.
This is sad news indeed — I thought these two were perfect for one another.
Kimmel’s rep Lewis Kay and Silverman’s rep Amy Zvi both confirmed that Jimmy and Sarah are no longer dating and issued a joint statement that,
“Jimmy and Sarah have and will have no further comment.”
Reps for Matt Damon and Ben Affleck had no comment on the breakup. (Primarily because they weren’t contacted.)
What others said:
Celebslam says, “Luckily for Sarah, Jimmy was a gentleman about the whole breakup. He gave her half of the d**k jokes and all of the horse-f***ing jokes.”
Pink is the New Blog says, “Boo! I really liked these two together … could it be that Ben Affleck and Matt Damon have really come between them?”
Hollyscoop says, “This just goes to show you that there is no hope for anyone in Hollywood. Sarah and Jimmy seemed to be such a cool down to earth happy couple so this news is very surprising to us.”
Presenting The 25 Funniest People in America. From Conan O’Brien to Stephen Colbert, Tina Fey to Craig Ferguson, let’s count down the names of the entertainers who make us laugh the hardest.
25. AUGUSTEN BURROUGHS
Burroughs’ best-selling memoir Running with Scissors — about being raised by a nutso shrink who studies his poo and rents the back shed to a pedophile — is unbelievably disturbing. And sidesplitting. At first we felt guilty giggling at his adventures with an electroshock therapy machine, but Burroughs knows that laughter is the best antidepressant. Much better than booze, which the author struggles to kick in his equally effervescent follow-up, Dry.
24. CATHERINE O’HARA
After her run on SCTV in the late ’70s, Hollywood didn’t know what to do with O’Hara. Fortunately, Christopher Guest did. In Waiting for Guffman, she and Fred Willard are tracksuit-wearing answers to Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire; in Best in Show, she’s a onetime floozy with a prize terrier and a torrid past; and in A Mighty Wind, O’Hara shows off a subtler comic touch, proving that humor doesn’t always mean a pie in the face.
23. SARAH SILVERMAN
The Lenny Bruce of the 21st century might be this hot, foul-mouthed, button-punching stand-up. Silverman is ruthlessly funny about topics like sex, the Holocaust, and 9/11, which may be why The Sarah Silverman Program has a permanent slot on our DVR. Oh, and if you hadn’t heard, she’s f—ing Matt Damon.
22. DAVE CHAPPELLE
The fact that Diamond Dave is all but absent from the comedic stage these days doesn’t invalidate his funny. After all, Chappelle’s revered Comedy Central show — on which the wiry comic gleefully engaged in crass T&A humor, swore like a sailor, and mocked everyone in the multiculti rainbow, confronting race in a way that is positively Pryor-esque — is still the best sketch comedy this country has seen in more than a decade. For that alone, he deserves a spot on any list like this.
21. DEMETRI MARTIN
You know what’s funny? Palindromes and anagrams. ”Shut up, Grandma,” you say, but we say shut up yourself and watch Demetri Martin work a stand-up mic. ”A drunk driver’s very dangerous. Everybody knows that. But so is a drunk backseat driver — if he’s persuasive.” The floppy-haired heir to Steven Wright won a prestigious award at last year’s Edinburgh Festival Fringe, taking him from the comedy underground to…the comedy slightly less underground.
20. DIABLO CODY
Not to be partial, but the newly minted Oscar winner showed off her comedic — and emotional — chops with her debut screenplay for Juno. Did we mention it won an Oscar?
19. CRAIG FERGUSON
Late night is the province of the mono-name. Jay! Dave! Conan! Then there’s that Scottish guy, two-name ID required: Craig Ferguson. You know, the one who can’t quite be pinned down. Since taking over CBS’ Late Late Show from Craig Kilborn in 2005, Ferguson has brought a fresh burst of energy to the format. He’s reinvented the opening monologue, doing away with most of the topical jokes and just ad-libbing about his life. Along with fresh energy, he’s brought something else — ratings. Ferguson, 45 and a brand-spanking-new U.S. Citizen, doesn’t get as much media attention as time-slot competitors Jimmy Kimmel or Conan, but with an audience of just under 2 million, the great Scot outperforms the former and has climbed within 500,000 viewers of the latter.
18. JACK BLACK
Black is an entirely new classification of human: the frenetic slacker. Before his turn as doofus band reject/inspirational teacher Dewey Finn in School of Rock, he was the Ritalin-deprived half of Tenacious D (along with his partner, Kyle Gass) and the list-obsessed record-shop shlub in High Fidelity. He is, inarguably, the coolest fusion of music and comedy since Spinal Tap. (And, if Tropic Thunder is as good as we’ve been led to believe, we’ll forgive him that whole Nacho Libre business.)
17. DAVID LETTERMAN
With a receding hairline and a jogger’s grim jowls, Dave is no one’s idea of a hip comic, and he likes it that way. New-school gone old-school, the upstart who first pumped irony into the talk show still rails against the stupidity of the powerful and yet has the charm to melt Julia Roberts.
16. AMY SEDARIS AND DAVID SEDARIS
Big brother is the best-selling author of the sublime autobiographical essay collections Me Talk Pretty One Day and Naked, full of terrific riffs about stuff like his cuckoo-clock North Carolina clan and his midget guitar teacher. Little sis was the rubber-faced star of Comedy Central’s truly strange Strangers With Candy, as well as coauthor of the book Wigfield.
15. WILL FERRELL
See, there’s this man-child who latches onto Will Ferrell in most every role he plays — and good luck getting the little guy to let go. As a result, we are treated to inspired displays of dolt-trapped-in-the-headlights hijinks, be it in the form of Old School’s keghead Frank the Tank (who goes from repressed to regressed to undressed) or Talladega Nights’ Ricky Bobby, the dumbest, most earnest NASCAR driver on the circuit — who’s also the most comfortable with his sexuality.
14. RICKY GERVAIS
Okay, so he doesn’t spend all that much of his time in America. We don’t care. Whether as the creator of The Office and Extras, a supporting actor in movies like For Your Consideration or Night at the Museum, or doing killer stand-up (as seen most recently in Grand Theft Auto IV), he’s still as funny as the dog’s bollocks.
13. ELLEN DEGENERES
DeGeneres, whose career seemed all but kaput a few years ago, has earned back adoration simply by being her affably dry self on the Emmy-winning The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Whether it’s her circuitous monologues, her deadpan celebrity interviews, or that vocal turn as Dory in Finding Nemo, she remains one of the cleanest, coolest funny ladies around.
12. DAVID CROSS
All conversations about his genius start here: Along with Bob Odenkirk, he created the cunning HBO sketch series Mr. Show, which routinely put SNL to silly shame. And not only does Cross work little miracles in supporting roles (remember his role as feckless freak-job Tobias on Fox’s Arrested Development?), he can drop some pretty fearsome stand-up (who else talks about being raped by the Virgin Mary?). Simply put, this dude never kowtows for his funny.
11. CONAN O’BRIEN
Smarty-pants isn’t usually a compliment, but O’Brien wears them so well. When this Harvard geek isn’t riffing on Muammar Gaddafi in his monologue, he’s making absurd innovations in low-brow comedy. Now, let’s see if those absurd innovations will play on The Tonight Show….
The Saturday Night Live scene-stealer has found her stride in her third season, thanks to breakout characters like the Target clerk and the obsessively competitive Penelope, as well as spot-on impressions of Jamie Lee Curtis and Suze Orman.
9. LARRY DAVID
Because he’s a balding, neurotic, self-consumed, multimillionaire malcontent who reacts to most social interactions as if he just took a whiff of some really bad cheese. Because the only thing he hates more than these situations is himself. Because he’s the most hilariously doomed white-guy antihero we’ve ever seen, and has no problems taking on every sacred cow. Because we have no idea how much of this Larry David — from the HBO comedy Curb Your Enthusiasm — is swiped from the real Larry David. And because both Larry Davids co-created one of the best comedies ever, Seinfeld.
8. AMY POEHLER AND WILL ARNETT
The funniest married couple on the list. (Sorry, Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann.) When they’re apart (she, on Saturday Night Live and in Baby Mama; he, late of Arrested Development and currently guesting on 30 Rock), they’re great. But when they’re together, as when they played brother-and sister figure skaters in Blades of Glory, they’re resplendent. So let’s get those crazy kids together more often, shall we?
7. MATT STONE AND TREY PARKER
Now in their eleventh season of South Park, these potty mouths with a purpose continue to remind us what full creative control gets you: moments so wrong, they’re right (Ben Affleck falling in love with Cartman’s hand comes to mind). Added bonus: The ninth season episode, ”Trapped in the Closet” contains the most sober explanation of the background of Scientology you’ll ever hear.
6. CHRIS ROCK
Television failed him (Saturday Night Live didn’t know what to do with his bright-bulb humor, and his HBO talk show couldn’t contain him). The movies didn’t get him (though this is as much Rock’s fault as anyone’s, given he wrote and directed his most recent starring vehicles, the underperforming Head of State and I Think I Love My Wife). But on the stage, Rock is a man on a mission, mercilessly tackling race, religion, money, and relationships. And his missionaries are legion.
5. STEVE CARELL
Sometimes, it hurts so good. The pain, the discomfort, the agony of watching Carell’s Michael Scott work himself into another awkward scenario on NBC’s The Office…and almost work himself out. And the fact that we don’t hate Michael — on the contrary, we feel a warm, chocolatey pity for him — is a testament to Carell, who leavens the bald incompetence with wide-eyed awe.
4. JON STEWART AND THE ‘DAILY SHOW’ TEAM
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is the most consistent laugh machine on TV — and the only news source for scores of cynics and slackers. It’s not often that a comedy show can tackle politics, embrace a cogent point of view, and still maintain its anarchic spark. The scribes at The Daily Show pull it off four nights a week. As the heart and soul of the show, Stewart is evenhanded but never meek; as an interviewer, he can make his guests comfortable even as he’s taking them apart. Then there’s his gang of ”correspondents,” who soldier straight-facedly into the great American absurd and take no prisoners. Empirically speaking, there’s nothing funny about what’s going on in the world right now. Yet here we are each week, chortling.
3. TINA FEY
It takes a certain self-confidence to play a woman who accidentally dates her third cousin, erroneously assumes her neighbor is a terrorist, and gets called the C-word by a colleague (especially when said character is based on you). ”I love going to those uncomfortable places,” says Fey, who stars as 30 Rock’s workaholic TV maven and is also the NBC show’s creator and exec producer. ”I’ll go down any weird avenue.” Maybe this year’s surprise Emmy win for best comedy will empower Fey to pursue some dreams for her alter ego. ”Liz Lemon could do an international adoption for a Russian baby and get the paperwork wrong with the European dates and somehow end up with a huge, muscular 13-year-old. Yeah, I could see that.” Hopefully we will too.
2. STEPHEN COLBERT AND THE ‘COLBERT REPORT’ TEAM
The once (and, we’re sure, future) presidential nominee, author, and dedicated windbag also happens to be one of the smartest satirists working today. Heck, if all the dude had on his resume was the legendary 2006 White House Correspondents Dinner, he’d go down in comedy history. But week-in and week-out, Colbert takes aim at the political-industrial complex — and I don’t care if there’s no such term — and spins the facts into truth. Or truthiness. Whichever’s easier.
1. THE JUDD APATOW POSSE
Can you even remember what movie comedy looked like before writer-director-producer Judd Apatow and his ever-expanding comedy clan (including Seth Rogen, Leslie Mann, Jonah Hill, and Paul Rudd) came along last summer with two stiff shots of cathartic humor — the oops-she’s-preggers romp Knocked Up and the high school raunchfest Superbad? Today, when studio execs have a comedy that feels flat or formulaic, the call goes out to ”Judd it up” — sweet irony for a man once best known for critically beloved flops like TV’s Freaks and Geeks. ”It was always my dream to become a verb,” Apatow deadpans. ”That’s what I wrote in my high school yearbook.”
People magazine has issued a “sneak peek” into their 100 Most Beautiful People issue and I have to ask… are they saving the best for last? Rumer Willis?
KATE HUDSON
She’s on the cover of this year’s Most Beautiful issue, but Hudson doesn’t owe her famous sun-kissed looks to thousands of hours logged at a spa. “I don’t even remember the last time I got a manicure,” says the 29-year-old mom to son Ryder, 4. “I even got to the point where I started waxing my own legs because I don’t have the time. I’d rather be home with Ryder sitting there waxing my legs. I haven’t gotten a facial in a million years. I don’t do those kinds of things. And when I do, I always think, ‘I should do this more often.’”
SALMA HAYEK
The new mom is beautiful inside and out, having signed on as ambassador for a Pampers/UNICEF program that provides tetanus shots to babies and mothers in developing countries. (Every pack of diapers with a UNICEF logo sold pays for one shot.) “You give them the vaccine, they don’t die,” says Hayek, 41. “It’s not just about creating a better world for my daughter, Valentina, but also being more passionate about diminishing the suffering of women and children all over the world.”
MARY J. BLIGE
“I’m at my most beautiful when I’m in a good mood, not dealing with any drama, and feeling healthy,” says the singer, 37. But when she wants to get glam in a pinch, Blige has a quick beauty tip. “I put on eyeliner and mascara and some liner on my mouth and some gloss in the middle, and that’s the perfect five-minute face.”
RUMER WILLIS
“I grew up with a mom that most moms don’t look like,” says the 19-year-old star of the summer comedy The House Bunny. But with a little help from mom Demi Moore, and a some experimentation, she’s finding her own way: “There’s a cool Korean spa my mom found in L.A. I go with my best friend, [Gossip Girl's] Jessica Szohr. That and getting my nails done are my biggest indulgences.”
SARAH SILVERMAN
“It sounds corny, but when I’m with my comedian friends, I just feel good. I’m lucky because I feel way more beautiful than I really am,” says the comic, 37. And although she, ahem, “paired up” with Matt Damon, Silverman’s still going strong with boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel. “Thank God for Jimmy, because all the things I don’t like about myself are the things that he likes the most. Like my inner-thigh fat. He grabs it and he’s like, ‘I love this!’ ”
CHRISTINA APPLEGATE
The 36-year-old actress admits to a new beauty addiction that she picked up on the set of her hit comedy, Samantha Who?. “They airbrush my makeup on,” she says. “Now I don’t want to do anything without that – it’s quick and it’s good. I want to get out of the makeup chair as soon as possible. I’m so low-maintenance.”
EVA LONGORIA & TONY PARKER
They’re one of PEOPLE’s Most Beautiful couples, but the Desperate Housewife – known for her knockout red-carpet appearances – looks the best when she’s low-key, according to her husband. Putting a cute spin on it, the NBA star says, “I like her best in jeans, a T-shirt and Hugs.” Says Longoria Parker, “He means Uggs.”
ISLA FISHER
Her fiery locks aren’t just a signature style – for Fisher, 32, they also provide a convenient excuse! “It was great having red hair as a kid because I had something to blame my temper on,” the Aussie actress says. “Now I go for the same color palette as Conan O’Brien. I did dye it blonde once, but it backfired, as I had nothing to blame my temper on!”
AMANDA BEARD
“To look good in the water, you have to pick the right swimsuit,” advises the gold-medal Olympic swimmer, 26. “I own close to 500.” And that’s not her only tip for a pretty poolside look: “I wear makeup in the water. I always wear a waterproof mascara, Maybelline Volume Express. All my makeup is waterproof, even my concealer.”
THE GOSSIP GIRL CAST
Onscreen, they are gorgeous, scheming, backstabbing high schoolers. Off-screen, Blake Lively, Chace Crawford, Ed Westwick, Jessica Szohr, Penn Badgley, Leighton Meester and Taylor Momsen (clockwise from bottom) are still gorgeous but somewhat kinder to one another. “I assure you,” says Badgley, “we are all fun and charming as hell.”
JULIANNE MOORE
The natural redhead says that when she was younger, she hated her flame-red hair. “Nobody likes being different as a kid. In first grade kids called me Freckleface Strawberry – it was a drink mix. It is also the title of my children’s book,” says Moore, 47. Recently she dyed her hair blonde for the upcoming film Blindness. “It was fun for two days, then I started to hate it. I spent all my life wishing for different color hair, but now I felt too weird to enjoy it. The minute the movie wrapped, I changed it back.”
JASON TAYLOR
If he hasn’t already taken enough ribbing from his Miami Dolphins teammates about his elegant moves on Dancing with the Stars, more is on the way. “This article will be plastered in the locker room,” predicts the 6′6″ Taylor. But the defensive end, 33, is taking the jokes in stride: “In the guy world, it’s a sign of respect. I’d be more worried if they didn’t tease me.”
VANESSA HUDGENS
“I grew up in the business, so I was used to putting on makeup every day,” says the 19-year-old star of the High School Musical movies, who went without makeup for her PEOPLE photo shoot. “Just recently I’ve learned to be okay with myself without wearing makeup. I think it was a special someone telling me that I didn’t need it. I started taking care of my skin and realized I didn’t need as much as I thought I did.”
TAYLOR SWIFT
“I have blonde eyelashes and blonde eyebrows, so my typical insecurity is that my eyes go away when I don’t have makeup on,” says the Grammy-nominated country singer, 19, who also went makeup-free for her PEOPLE shoot. “But it’s important to be comfortable with who you are and go natural once in a while.”
ZOË SALDAÑA
“I feel self-conscious when I have makeup on. It just doesn’t feel like it’s part of me,” says the actress, 29, who didn’t wear any for her PEOPLE shoot. “I feel my most confident when I am at my most natural. However, I do have my days when I really want to do something dramatic, whether it be really dark, dark eyes or dark lipstick. I love red lipstick.”
JESSICA ALBA & CASH WARREN
“[Pregnancy is] the most beautiful thing that can happen to you,” Alba says, admitting that she has a bit of a “glow.” “Everything in my face is puffed up. I have the face of a teenager! I feel like I’m 16 again.” Even Warren says he’s gotten in on the action, admitting, “I don’t know if it’s as much of a pregnancy glow as kind of a barbecue-grease glow. I’ve gained probably about 10 pounds.”
CARRIE UNDERWOOD
The Grammy-winning beauty, 25, admits that she still gets nervous on the red carpet. “I feel more beautiful when I see the pictures after. I’m like, ‘I wish I had felt like I looked like that when I was actually there.’”
The new couple has been airing out their romance the past few weeks. They first appeared together at the CAA party, then Elton John’s AIDS Foundation screening party and they were not shy about their relationship last night.
Sean Penn and his soon to be ex wife Robin Wright announced their split in late December. The rumor was that Robin caught Sean in bed with two Russian whores while on vacation together. Petra on the other hand had a brief romance with James Blunt around Oscar time last year.
Taking someone to the Oscars pretty much confirms the bumping of uglies. He might of well have had her panties in his mouth.
Sarah Silverman: “I wish I didn’t do the VMAs. I totally regret it.”
Katie Puckrik: Why?
SS: “Well, I liked the jokes I did, but all anyone focused on was that it was mean. But they put me on immediately after Britney, so I had to do jokes. Everyone else laughed, but Britney wasn’t ready to laugh at herself.”
KP: Britney wasn’t even ready to perform…
SS: “Every time she’s been on the VMAs, it’s been a spectacle - something amazing. I heard she was gonna have this magician, there’d be fire and smoke, and I would be the little comedian making fun of the big star. I caught a glimpse of her at rehearsal and she was walking through it, and then at the actual performance, she did that same thing! And then I come out and I’m an asshole.”
KP: Did you regret your comments about Paris Hilton as well?
SS : “Well, no. I think she didn’t feel bad because of what I said, she felt bad because when I said the set-up that she was going to jail, the whole audience cheered for a solid minute. And my heart sank at that point … I had to keep going with the joke, I was in the middle of a set-up but I was like, wow, she’s sitting right there and there’s grown men in her face with a camera.”
Eh… I do think calling her children “mistakes” was a bit over the top, even with my love/hate for Britney.
It was only a matter of time before someone decided to make a movie about Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears.
You just know it will be a blockbuster hit [sarcasm]
The independent film producer Joe Nasser is in pre-production on “Hollywood Brats“, an indie drama based on the so-called ‘celebutards‘.
Nasser, who was the executive producer behind the Anna Nicole Smith biopic, is basing “Brats” on what he calls “the public record”. Of which there is plenty of, given their rap sheets.
According to Nasser, “Brats” will be “…all about these girls in Hollywood getting into trouble…You see them all go to jail, you see them get arrested, you see them all go through trials and tribulations”.
Nasser says that he will use real celebrities in his story, but could not confirm whether it would be the ‘unholy quartet’ of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Nicole Ritchie. My guess would be that he’s waiting to see if anybody sues first.
Although, Nasser seems confident that he won’t be facing any legal action, saying, “As long as we stick to the truth, we’re in good shape.” Brats is scheduled to start shooting in Hollywood this October.
As if we haven’t already seen enough of them. Hopefully there will be enough money in the budget for Sarah Silverman to play Britney’s vagina.
source: Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton to Finally Get the Biopic Treatment? [cinematical]
So apparently it wasn’t bad enough that Britney Spears opened the MTV Video Music Awards with a performance straight out of my 5th grade talent show, but she followed up the debacle with another crotch flashing.
Click below for the NSFW pics - please view with an empty stomach. Somewhere, Sarah Silverman is laughing her ass off.
Sarah Silverman regrets poking fun at Paris Hilton on the eve of her June jail stint after watching footage of the MTV Movie Awards. Silverman, who hosted the awards show, joked about Hilton’s prison term, while the hotel heiress sat awkwardly in the audience.
Cameras captured a hurt Hilton as she squirmed in her seat - just hours before she began her prison sentence for a probation violation at Century Regional Detention Center - and Silverman admits she has felt terrible ever since.
“I thought, ‘She’s got to know there’s going to be a joke about her,’ so I went for it.
But then I looked down and saw a man in her face with a camera. I was there to be funny and I was, but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel bad about it.”
A forgiving Hilton admits she knows Silverman was just trying to land a few laughs:
“She’s a funny comedienne and hopefully she won’t be as mean the next time she sees me.”
More than anything I just wanted to post the joke because it was so damn funny:
Update (Allie): I must admit, I look for reasons to post this video as well. I also like to bring attention to the look on Jack Nicholson’s face, cause it’s priceless!
Sarah Silverman: “I wish I didn’t do the VMAs. I totally regret it.”
The independent film producer Joe Nasser is in pre-production on “Hollywood Brats“, an indie drama based on the so-called ‘celebutards‘. 
“I thought, ‘She’s got to know there’s going to be a joke about her,’ so I went for it. 
